I Never Knew
by Eramaeni
Summary: Kaoru loves Hikaru, but does Hikaru love him back?  Tamaki pushes them together, but it might break the twins apart for good!  Good thing that Tamaki was ready to pick up the pieces...right? mainly TamaKao with some HikaKao implied HikaHaru, TamaKyo
1. Chapter 1

**So, hello again! Didn't I tell you I was going to start another TamaKao? Well, I wasn't going to start this yet, because I have a lot of summer school work that I should be doing instead, but it was torturing me, so I decided to write the first chapter. Just don't expect constant updating...sorry T_T**

**This story is actually rated M for a reason, so yay! Please don't disregard that, either. In fact, this chapter is one of those reasons, so...you've been warned.**

**The story is in third person except for the diary! Italics is Kaoru writing in the diary or thought. (Italics) are flashbacks. **

**I don't own Ouran~ Here's the story!**

Chapter One

In the Beginning...

Hikaru x Kaoru

_Dear Diary,_

_You know already how I feel, don't you? That I've been struggling for a long time with my feelings about Hikaru. Trying to convince myself that they're wrong and I should push them away, or that it was okay and it didn't matter what anyone else thought. Wondering if I should tell him, when I should say something..._

_Why am I repeating myself to you?_

_New News! Hikaru...he hasn't said it, and neither have I, but..._

_I'm pretty sure we love each other the same way._

**omgthisisatransition**

"Kaoru," Hikaru whispered seductively, his breath hot on his twin's ear. "Kaoru, is this okay?"

Kaoru nodded, running his fingers through red hair that was identical to, but so different from, his own. "It doesn't matter, anyway. All we need is each other."

Hikaru kissed Kaoru roughly, biting and licking at his younger brother's lips until they parted and let his tongue pass through. He pressed their bodies together with need and desire, grinding their hips together, relishing the friction through their clothed erections.

All the while, Kaoru moaned wantonly into the kiss, pulling gently on Hikaru's hair and wrapping the other arm around his neck. He couldn't help but think, _I can't believe this is happening. Oh, thank goodness...I never thought I would appreciate Tono interfering again..._

_(The host club stared at the twins in disbelief, knowing that they'd been had again._

"_Kaoru," Hikaru started, pulling his twin closer and staring into his eyes, "I'm so sorry! I know we use these fake fights to our advantage, but..."_

"_No, Hikaru! It was my fault for writing the script this time! I was even meaner than when I got Belzenef, the curse doll..."_

"_I'm sorry! I forgive you," they told each other in unison._

"_Hikaru! Kaoru!" Tamaki yelled, pushing Hikaru angrily. "Will you ever stop playing games with __us?"_

_But the twins couldn't answer. Their eyes widened and they quickly pulled away from each other, standing an extra foot away from the other. Kaoru blushed furiously, while Hikaru stared down at the floor._

"_Ah," Tamaki stuttered, "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."_

"_Was that your first kiss together?" Haruhi asked bluntly._

"_Of course!" Hikaru said angrily, staring at her with annoyance. "This whole twincest thing was always just a game! It wasn't like we..."_

"_Had ever actually done anything," Kaoru finished, red as a tomato, still not looking at anyone._

_Hikaru growled at Tamaki. "Haven't you learned already not to push people around when they're close to each other? I figured you would have known, considering when you gave away Haruhi's first kiss to that girl!"_

_Tamaki flushed, crossing his arms together angrily. "What do you want from me? I already said I was sorry, didn't I? It's not like I wanted you to—" His cheeks turned a few shades darker red and he turned around. "Anyway, it doesn't matter if you won't accept my apology, right?"_

"_What do you mean by that?" The twins asked in unison, but Tamaki didn't want to listen anymore._

"_Whatever," Hikaru said, rolling his eyes. "I won't forgive you with that attitude."_

"_Hikaru," Kaoru reached a hand out to calm his brother._

"_Don't, Kaoru," Hikaru warned, taking a step back. "Don't pretend like this is okay!" He turned and ran out of the music room, Kaoru trailing close behind._

"_W-wait! Hikaru!")_

Kaoru shivered as Hikaru's hands ran down his bare chest and rested on his stomach, lightly stroking the pale flesh. _How did that fiasco turn into this?_

"H-Hikaru, I..." he blushed as he trailed off, closing his eyes in embarrassment. Hikaru smiled against his brother's chest.

"You what, Kaoru? Tell me..." He lightly kissed down Kaoru's stomach, taking the hem of his orange sweatpants between his teeth and pulling down, using his hands to guide the fabric down past his hips. "Kao-chan, you naughty boy...why aren't you wearing any underwear?"

Kaoru laughed nervously. "I didn't have any clean ones left..." It was a lie, he was just too lazy to find any, but that sounded like a better excuse.

Hikaru smiled mischievously, his lips dangerously close to a certain swollen appendage. "Didn't you have something you wanted to say to me?"

Kaoru would have rolled his eyes; it was just like his brother to change the subject like that. But he didn't really care at that moment. "I-I need you, Hika...please..."

Hikaru bit tentatively down on his lower lip to control himself. "Saying things like that with the kind of voice, Kaoru...do you know what it does to me?" He blew a stream of hot air over the tip of his twin's aching erection.

Kaoru shivered, "Please, don't tease me..."

Hikaru smiled again, flicking his tongue out to taste the white fluid that started to seep out. "Do you want me inside of you?" he whispered, pressing a finger against Kaoru's virgin entrance.

"Ah, yes!" Kaoru pushed his hips down against Hikaru's finger, eager and afraid at the same time.

_(Hikaru ran until he was tired, stopping at the pond and staring at his and his mirror image's reflection. It was a strange sight, to see two identical boys and their reflections..._

_Kaoru followed his brother all the way outside of the school, stopping by him and panting. "Hikaru, you didn't have to be like that..."_

"_What do you want, Kaoru?" He turned, his amber eyes narrowing. "I kissed you! I'm so sorry, and I kissed you, and..." He looked back into the pond. His own eyes burned with anger, while his twin's... He looked back to see if it was true, not just a trick of the water. But the reflection didn't lie; his brother's eyes were overflowing with sorrow. Hikaru's expression softened, and he hesitantly took his brother in his arms. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to play the game...I brought our faces much too close this time, and look what I've done. I..." His arms dropped to his sides and he looked up at the sky. It was starting to become overcast. "I couldn't protect you, this time.")_

"Ah—Hika-Hikaru!" Kaoru winced as his brother entered him. His manhood was much bigger than the fingers that had just been in him, but...the pleasure started to ebb away the pain. Hikaru pushed in slower, stopping once he was fully sheathed.

"Shh, I'm sorry," he breathed, gently stroking Kaoru's cheek. "Does it hurt?"

Kaoru shook his head, "Not really," he lied. "I'm fine, just...keep going."

Hikaru nodded, kissing him quickly once more. He gripped his hips and slowly began to thrust, setting up a steady rhythm. It wasn't long before he found the spot that made his brother scream.

"Hika! Oh, harder!" Kaoru's nails dug into Hikaru's back as he sped up. He pushed his hips back against his brother's, forcing his penis deeper into him. Hikaru grunted, digging his own nails into his brother's hips.

_(Kaoru smiled softly. "Silly, no one is hurting me."_

_Hikaru averted his eyes. "I mean, I couldn't protect you from myself."_

"_If it's just you, why do I need protecting? I really lo-" He caught himself at the last second. "...Care about you." Hikaru looked down at his younger brother._

"_That's what I fear. I need to protect you from me the most, because..." He blushed, looking back at their reflections: "I'm the one who will hurt you the worst.")_

They climaxed at the same time, trying to catch their breaths. "Hikaru...that was..." Kaoru smiled brightly, feeling deliriously happy. In fact, he couldn't ever remember feeling like that in his entire life.

Hikaru smiled wearily. "Yeah, huh? There's a reason that people wanted to see us together, I guess."

"Yeah," Kaoru looked away and his smiled faded. Hikaru hadn't noticed; he collapsed on the bed and closed his eyes, holding his brother closely. "G'night," he muttered lazily, pressing his lips to Kaoru's neck. Kaoru nodded in response, but his mind was racing. _What did he mean by all those things he's said today?_

_(They put their arms around each other at the same time, holding each other tightly. "I don't ever think about things like that. You shouldn't worry yourself," Kaoru whispered, trying to cheer his twin up. "If we just keep doing things like we have been, then nothing can change." Kaoru thought, 'I don't want things to change.' Little did he know that Hikaru was thinking, 'I don't want things to stay the same anymore...'_

"_You can't keep hiding yourself, Kaoru. One day...it's going to happen."_

_Kaoru frowned. "I am not afraid.")_

**omganothertransistionlikewow**_  
_

Kaoru looked over at his sleeping twin, then past his face at the clock. It had been an hour, and he was exhausted, but he couldn't sleep. He got up, still feeling uncomfortable, but the stickiness had all dried up. He sighed, quickly cleaning up in the bathroom with a washcloth and replacing his orange pajama pants with clean blue ones. _This seems like another good diary opportunity, _he thought, getting the black notebook out from its hiding spot and starting an entry.

_I'm pretty sure we love each other the same way._

_Well, I'm mostly sure, but he says a lot of things that I'm not sure about. Maybe he doesn't know what he's saying, or maybe he's trying to tell me something. I can't tell yet._

_Either way, I'm glad we could share our first times with each other. Even if he regrets it in the morning...I was able to enjoy the time we spent together this night._

_Kaoru_

**What do you think? It wasn't my first time writing a scene like that, but I won't say that I'm experienced either... *blush* was it okay? Did you want more? I know that's the kind of stuff I like to read O.o but I didn't want to go all pr0n on you guys so I tried to hold back...putting all those breaks in helped, I think. Maybe.  
**

**I promise that this was just the intro, so I won't be writing in only crazy flashbacks and stuff. I just wanted to give you the background, and I thought that this kind of format was cool. Rereading this, I thought the layout was confusing, so...if there's something you don't understand, feel free to ask me about it! I'd love to answer your questions, and it will give you another excuse to review! XP**

**I decided to put the pairing in the chapter title because sometimes I love the story and the main pairing but I don't really want to read the side pairing that happens in a particular chapter, so...I thought I would let you know, in case you were like that! I will continue to do that, if it's helpful...**

**Also, I'm sorry for the repetitiveness when referring to characters. But since they are both male and I'm easily confused by pronouns, it was necessary to differentiate between Hika and Kao at all times. Sorry if that bothers you! I'll try harder next time...**

**Reviews are love! And might make me write this instead of doing schoolwork~**

**Yours Truly  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm back! Did you miss me? I poketh and prodeth thee to know. Okay, sorry for random errors in the last chapter. I'll try to get those things fixed as best I can, but fanfic likes to delete random parts of my document as it wishes and put in whatever it wants, like that weird three at the end and some other random bits. Do I use the word random too much? If I've already fixed it and you don't know what I'm talking about...yeah. Moving on...**

**I took so long to update because I'm trying to have a life. Sorry. But I actually have to get things done now that the summer is creeping ever closer to a close. My summer ends in August, because it gets sucked up by three weeks of band camp. Whoopee. Not really, but also I had no idea where I wanted to go next. Or rather, I had waaaaaaay too many ideas. I actually considered rewriting the entire first chapter, but I didn't think that would make anyone too happy with me, so...yeah, I decided just to run with it and see what happened. If I don't like it, well...I'll just write another fic! Yay!**

**I suppose you didn't really care about all this shit in the first place, so on with the story!**

**The story is in third person except for the diary! Italics is Kaoru writing in the diary or thought. (Italics) are flashbacks. **

I Never Knew

Chapter Two

Haha no lemons for you

_Dear Diary,_

_Things today have been...strange, to say the least._

_Let me rephrase: Stranger than usual. Hikaru deliberately avoided or ignored everyone in the host club, including me. But he didn't act differently than usual. It's hard to explain, and I don't really expect you to understand what's happening, seeing as I don't. But whatever it is...well, the Club is opening for business soon, so I guess we'll see what happens then, won't we?_

_Kaoru_

Kaoru inconspicuously slipped the black notebook back into his schoolbag. He didn't want anyone to know that he kept a diary, let alone Hikaru. It's not that he was embarrassed at having one, but rather that he knew they would all read it without a thought, and that alone was mortifying. _Plus, Hikaru would be none too pleased to find out that I've been keeping secrets. We're supposed to tell each other everything._

He looked up as Hikaru entered the music room, smiling broadly. "Hello, everyone!" He said brightly as he approached Kaoru. "Hey, Kaoru. I feel like I haven't seen you all day."

"That's because you haven't," Kaoru muttered, but he didn't want to further whatever mood his twin was in. Hikaru was acting completely out of character now that he was addressing everyone, and it didn't go unnoticed by anyone.

"Uh, Hikaru," Tamaki started, "about yesterday, I—"

"No hard feelings, huh, Tono?" Hikaru took a seat next to Kaoru at their favorite spot in the room. "I just pretend like it didn't happen." Kaoru's eyes widened in disbelief. _After all the things we did, _he thought, _I don't know how much of that is truth._ "It was only an accident, after all, right?"

Tamaki nodded nervously, "Y-yeah, of course...Well, I'm glad that you're okay, then."

Kaoru looked from Hikaru to Tamaki, wondering what piece of the puzzle he was missing.

"Right, so now that we've got all of that sorted out," Kyoya interrupted, "we should start seeing to our guests, ne?"

The three boys nodded and prepared themselves quickly before the doors opened.

**cooltransition**

The mood in the room wasn't entirely normal yet, but it had become more comfortable as the boys (and girl) of the Host Club assumed their roles. Tamaki attended to his princesses, Mori watched over Honey as he enjoyed his cake, and so on.

The twins sat together, holding hands as if it were as natural as the sky was blue, but Kaoru couldn't feel more nervous. _I saw it in him before,_ he thought nervously, _that look he gets when he's got the gears turning in his mind. And this time, I'm not in on it._

"...right, Kaoru?"

Kaoru blinked owlishly, staring at his brother for a moment before blushing. "I...I'm sorry, I wasn't listening."

Hikaru chuckled, "That's okay. I was just saying how I wanted to see you blush again. The way you did last night."

Kaoru didn't have to act this time, the red rose to his face faster than the speed of light. "I—Hikaru, you can't just say things like that!"

Hikaru took his brother's chin in his hand, smirking mischievously as he brought their faces closer together. Dangerously close. _It's okay, Kaoru, _he thought to himself, _just relax. Hikaru says it's just a game, after all._

"Isn't it the truth, though?" With that, he pressed his lips softly to Kaoru's, smiling inwardly as the fangirls squealed a little louder than usual. Before Kaoru had the chance to push him away, Hikaru had backed away from him, muttering loud enough for everyone to hear, "That was the sort of expression I was looking for."

**isthisoneevennecessaryiwonder**

Kaoru was a bit nervous after that, but everything had continued normally after that, no kisses. Well, until it was almost time for the girls to leave.

"Kaoru, you're so lost in space today, aren't you?" One of the girls said, hoping that she was talking about the right twin.

"Hm?" Kaoru looked at her and smiled slightly. "I guess so. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"Kaoru..." Hikaru whispered (_but not really, _Kaoru thought bitterly), wrapping an arm around his mirror image. "If that's where you want to be, don't them pull you down to earth. Here, I'll send you back to the moon..." Before Kaoru could blink, Hikaru's lips were upon his, their tongues sliding languidly past each other, and he was moaning softly into the kiss. _What are we doing, _he thought briefly, before giving into Hikaru and running his hands through his silky red hair. Hikaru's hands slid down to Kaoru's hips, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss. Kaoru felt as if they were there, kissing for ages when he noticed that not only _their_ guests had fallen silent, but so did everyone else's. The room seemed so echo with the sounds of their kissing, and Kaoru blushed furiously, pulling away from his brother.

"Was that okay, Kao-chan?" Hikaru asked seductively, his eyes gleaming with mirth and mischief.

Kaoru nodded slowly, not sure how to play along with this new game. He snuck a glance over at the girls sitting by them and saw that they too were blushing like mad.

"Oh, my," Kyoya broke the silence confidently, "it seems as if we've run out of time for today. Thank you, everyone, for coming today! We'd love you treat you beauties again." Time seemed to slowly move forward again, with everyone breaking away from their shock, one by one, until the last guests had left.

"If you two are done," Tamaki grunted, "that was uncalled for." He crossed his arms angrily, starting at the wall with his back to the twins.

"You started it," Hikaru said nonchalantly.

Tamaki's jaw almost dropped. _Is that what all this was about? To get back at me? _Tamaki turned around with the most sad, pathetic face he could muster. _Just play it off, then. It'll only fuel his fire if you react._ "Hikaru! Daddy doesn't want to see you two like that! Mommy, shield my daughter's eyes before she's scarred by the homo side cast!"

Hikaru rolled his eyes, "Not that again, Tono."

Kaoru looked around. Haruhi, Mori and Honey seemed to be ignoring them well enough, though he was sure they were actually paying attention, while Kyoya looked amused as he watched Hikaru and Tamaki's little scene. _Maybe...well, maybe things aren't so weird after all, _he thought with a wary smile.

Could he be anymore wrong?

**I don't know, you tell me! Yeah, so this chappie was totally fail. But necessary. I promise, we move on in the next chapter to some quality TamaKao moments! I think O.o Anyway, it'll be a lot better than this, so hang tight. Don't take me off your alerts yet! GIVE ME ONE MORE CHANCE!**

**On a side note, I got no reviews on the first chapter. HELLO! Reviews are motivation. No reviews might just motivate me to not be motivated and play MapleStory instead. Yeah, how would you like that? Omg, does anyone play on Broa? I have five characters, so if you're interested...well you should REVIEW and I'll give you my usernames :)**

**Yours Truly**


	3. Chapter 3

**From my extremely bored mind, I bring you...**

**CHAPPIETUR TRES of I NEVUR NOO!**

**Yeah, sorry. Vanilla ice cream plus cupcake magic shell equals hyper.**

**Today I'm listening to The Academy Is... I got all new songs recently, so I'm whoring myself out to iTunes to listen to all 70 gigs. Yay, music!**

**I seem to have forgotten to warn you that this is sort of OOC. But then again, what fanfiction isn't? We're adapting the characters to our own fantasies, so losers who complain about oocness can go fall down a well and DIE.**

**Also, I neglected to add a disclaimer last chapter. But I'm sure you already know that I don't own Ouran. If I did, Haruhi would be a fucking MAN and these beautiful characters would be constantly subjected to hot gay butt secks. Yeah, I went there.**

**OMG DID YOU KNOW THAT MY TRANSITION WAS LOST AGAIN LAST CHAPTER? IT MAKES ME SO ANGRY YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW. Stupid freaking fanfiction, doing whatever it wants with my documents. One day...**

**Okay, enough of this, you're annoyed already.**

**The story is in third person except for the diary! Italics is Kaoru writing in the diary or thought. (Italics) are flashbacks. **

I Never Knew

Chapter Three – Why does only chapter one have an official title?

Hikaru x Kaoru for the last time I promise maybe yeah

_Dear Diary,_

_It's been a month since Hikaru and I started sleeping together._

_Well, we always sleep together, so...It's been a month since we first had sex, and we've done so almost every night after._

_Most of the time, during it or after, I'll feel great, because I love him and we're being as intimate as I could physically ask for. I feel like we're one._

_But sometimes...the next day I'll wake up and feel disgusted with myself. I'm really confused. Hikaru is back to normal, but I'm just pretending. Underneath, I'm not sure what to feel anymore. I'm so in love with him, but...it feels like we're doing something terribly wrong. I know he's my brother, and that it's a sin in itself, but...that never used to bother me before. I'm not sure what it is but..._

_It's time for another Host Club game._

_Kaoru._

Kaoru put his diary in his schoolbag, pleased with himself. He had started writing in it during his last class, that way he could just put it away at the end of class and look just like everyone else packing their things. He thought it was pretty clever himself, even if he had stopped taking notes or even paying attention. _It doesn't matter, I hate this subject...Hikaru always does my work for it anyway, as long as I do his literature._

Kaoru trailed behind Hikaru and Haruhi who were currently having a heated debate about something stupid or whatever. He knew his brother's feelings for the girl, and let them go on. It didn't matter if _he _didn't know or care what they were talking about, so long as his brother was happy. _Or something like that,_ Kaoru thought bitterly. _I would have guessed that the whole sex thing would bring us together, but...it seems as if he's spending more time with _her _because of it._

"Kaoru!" The red-head turned to see Tamaki smiling like an idiot as his twin and his friend continued walking as if nothing happened. Kaoru shrugged and decided to wait for Tamaki to catch up. _If they don't want to walk with me, I'll just walk with someone else._

"Hey, Tono. What do you need?"

Tamaki smiled even brighter when he reached Kaoru. "A walking buddy, since your brother stole my daughter away from me."

Kaoru wasn't sure if he was really joking, or being bitter, but he didn't mind as they started to Music Room Three. "I see, that's how you knew I was me."

"Huh? I've always been able to tell you two apart!"

Kaoru laughed genuinely, "That's a good one, Tono." He looked over, expecting his blond elder to be hurt, but was faced with that ever-present smile. "What are you so damn happy about," he frowned. "Always with that unnerving expression."

Tamaki blinked. "You want me to be unhappy with you? I was just trying to make you feel better."

Kaoru frowned even more. His own twin was too busy to tell that he'd been conflicted for weeks, but the dumbass figures it out in an instant. It wasn't exactly comforting, although... _It's awfully nice to hear that he actually cares. _

"Hey, Kaoru. If you frown too much, you'll ruin your pretty face."

"What?" Kaoru snapped away from his reverie, sure that what he thought he heard wasn't what Tamaki actually said.

"I said, we're here," Tamaki lied, pointing towards the door and not looking at Kaoru with all his might. _I can't believe I let that one slip, _the blond thought. "Will you tell me about it later, then?"

Kaoru nodded reluctantly, following his highness into the room.

"Kaoru!" Hikaru exclaimed happily as his twin entered. "Where've you been? I was looking for you to walk with."

"I was right behind you the whole time," Kaoru muttered with a huff.

"Oh," Hikaru's smile dropped. "I was so sure you weren't there, so I walked with Haruhi."

_Yeah, right. You only had eyes for her. _"I guess I was standing behind someone and you didn't see me," he stated simply, _or maybe I was standing right in front of you, calling your name while you ignored me and searched for Haruhi. _Kaoru's inner self rolled its eyes, _whichever works for you._

He had a feeling it was going to be a long afternoon.

**Itsabirdaplaneatransition**

Before the twins even knew it, it had become natural to hold hands or to sit closer together. They would sneak in a peck on the cheek every once in a while, but neither was really aware of their lover-like tendencies. Of course, until Haruhi pointed it out after the club activities had finished.

"You guys haven't kissed since that one day," she said absentmindedly to herself as she picked up drained teacups and crumb-filled plates.

"Why? Would you like to see it again?" Hikaru smirked at her, leaning casually onto the back of a chair. Haruhi turned to look at him, surprised.

"It's just...you haven't shown us something of that level, but you've become quite intimate, haven't you?"

Kaoru was panicking on the inside, but just rose an eyebrow to her, sitting in the chair his brother was leaning on. "What makes you say that?"

"Your mannerisms. Before you would assume the roles of brothers in love, playing the part, turning it on and off as you saw fit. But now, it's like...it's become natural. Routine. Like you're not acting consciously anymore, but that you're doing it because...I don't really know what I'm saying, I guess. Just forget it."

Hikaru laughed. "That's just how great our acting skills have become. We fooled you, didn't we?" Hikaru continued to laugh, but Kaoru knew that he was bluffing. _Of course, he wouldn't want his crush to find out that he was screwing his brother._

"But you've been doing it outside of the club, too," Haruhi pointed out quite frankly. Hikaru's laughter steadily died away, but Kaoru came to the rescue.

"It's become bothersome. We've been doing it to strengthen our act, and to try and gain interest, but I don't think it's been helping at all." He wrinkled his nose, "Hikaru's hands get too sweaty for me to actually want to hold them." Hikaru knew that his twin was just joking, but he played along.

"That's funny, since you happen to always have an iron grip on it. I feel like you've broken all of my fingers by the time we let go."

Haruhi sighed, not really wanted to sit through another one of their fights, but in the back of her mind, she wondered what they were trying to gain from it.

**Heylookanotherone**

"Fine, then I won't go home with you."

Hikaru looked genuinely surprised. He had played along with their fight, not knowing why Kaoru wanted it to happen, but...this wasn't what he expected.

"W-well, fine. I'll just go home without you. I've got too much homework to play your stupid games anyway." Kaoru watched his brother get up and walk away, wondering if maybe Hikaru was really mad at him. _I'll fix it later, _he thought.

"Sorry, Kaoru, but I've already been here too long. I might not make it to the supermarket now..."

"No, sorry for wasting your time, Haruhi," Kaoru frowned.

"Haruhi," Kyoya smiled, "sorry to interrupt you two, but would you like to walk with us? I can give you a ride home, if you'd like to get there faster." Haruhi looked to Kaoru, who just nodded before answering.

"Yeah, sure." She gave Kaoru a small wave before following Kyoya, Mori and Honey out of the music room. "See you tomorrow, Kaoru."

"Bye," he whispered sadly, but the door had already closed. He suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see Tamaki, smiling sadly.

"It's later. Need to talk?"

"Can we just...clean up first?"

**"Yeah, sure, Kaoru! This was supposed to be another transition, but the stupid website keeps deleting it, so now it is meaningless dialogue."**

"Tono," Kaoru started sadly as they started out of the freshly tidied-up music room, "you're in love with someone, right?"

Tamaki nodded with a sad smile. "I've been for a while."

They continued walking for a bit before Kaoru spoke again. _How do I say this without being too vague, or too specific?_

"Does it hurt?" He asked finally, stopping in front of one of the floor-to-ceiling windows that lined the corridors of the school. The sun had begun to set, painting a portrait of oranges, yellows and pinks through the glass. "When you see _that person_ with someone else?"

Tamaki nodded, staring out of the window. The sunlight gave him an ethereal glow, and Kaoru couldn't help but to blush at the beauty of it.

"Of course," the blond started, "but then I think of how happy that person is. And then I don't mind seeing him with the one he loves."

"Oh," Kaoru nodded. They stood there for a moment in silence; then Tamaki's words hit Kaoru like a brick to the face.

"Him?"

Tamaki laughed, starting to walk again. "Can I give you a ride home, Kaoru?"

"Of course, Tono. But don't avoid my question."

"Yes, Kaoru. I'm gay."

The red-head was genuinely surprised. "But...I thought...weren't you...?"

"Talking about Haruhi?" Kaoru nodded vigorously. "If I were in love with her, it'd be wrong to be her daddy, right?"

Kaoru burst into laughter at the sheer child that his highness was. "Sir, you're one of a kind."

**whoathistransitionleadstoacar**

Their conversation had been fun, lifting Kaoru's spirits quickly. But he was still _so _curious...he had to ask as Tamaki's car neared his house. "Who is it, Tono?"

"Hm?" Tamaki turned away from the window. "Who?"

"The boy you love?"

"Well, it wouldn't be any fun if I told you who it was, right?"

Kaoru frowned. "Let's make it a guessing game."

"You'll only get one guess for every three clues. If you lose, you have to kiss me."

Kaoru smiled, wondering briefly why his highness would make that the penalty, but decided not to think too much of it. "Fine. I never lose."

"Alright, first clue. He's shorter than me."

"So it's not Mori-senpai."

"How did you know he was in the Host Club?"

"You just told me," Kaoru stuck his tongue out.

Tamaki frowned, embarrassed. "Okay, you got me. But that's your second clue."

"Good, then. Number three."

"He's not older than me."

"Ha! That's an easy one," Kaoru teased. "It's Mom. Otherwise, he wouldn't be Mommy, right?" Kaoru chuckled nervously, watching Tamaki's smile grow. "Be-because you're the Daddy, and he's the Mom, so..."

Tamaki leaned closer, his breath blowing softly on Kaoru's lips. "You lose." He closed the gap between them, at first moving his lips slowly, gently against the red-head's. Kaoru quickly got over his surprise and pushed back against his elder, his fingers threading through silky blond hair. Tamaki wrapped his arms around Kaoru's waist and pulled him closer, nibbling on the younger boy's lower lip. Kaoru gasped slightly, and Tamaki took advantage of the second his mouth was open, slipping his tongue into the moist cavern that was Kaoru's mouth. Both boys thoroughly relished the feeling of their tongues rubbing together, exploring each other's mouths, finding out each other's taste, gently sucking—

HONK!

The two teens quickly separated, blushing furiously. Tamaki looked up at his driver while Kaoru shyly averted his eyes.

"We are here," the driver said, annoyance giving his voice a slight edge.

Kaoru nodded, "Thanks for the ride, Senpai," before grabbing his bag and opening the door. Tamaki held it open as Kaoru started to walk away.

"Kaoru, wait!" The red-head turned and stopped.

"Yeah, boss?"

"Call me..." Tamaki blushed lightly, "I mean, please keep calling me senpai."

Kaoru paused a moment, then smiled. "Of course. Senpai."

**watchoutalemonafterthistranny**

"I thought you said you had a lot of homework," Kaoru joked as he walked into his bedroom. Technically, Hikaru had always had his own designated bedroom, but all of his belongings were in Kaoru's. They had always forgone separate rooms and stayed together.

"I did," Hikaru droned, channel surfing. "I finished. You took too damn long to get home, so I was going to watch something on television, but nothing is ever interesting."

Kaoru could tell by his brother's monotone that he wasn't in the best of moods.

"Sorry," Kaoru said, throwing his bag on the floor. His blue uniform jacket soon joined it, and he jumped onto the bed face-first, stretching out in a catlike fashion. "I was with his highness."

Hikaru raised an eyebrow, joining Kaoru on the bed. He lay on his back and turned his head to face his twin, who also turned his head to the side to see something other than the bedsheets. "Well, what the hell were you doing? It's been like, three hours."

"Two at the most."

"Whatever, same thing. There's no way anyone could enjoy themselves alone with the boss for two hours. Which begs the question, _what did you do?_"

Kaoru blushed lightly, remembering the kiss. "We just talked," he said, but he was slightly pleased to hear a hint of jealousy hiding in his brother's words.

"With that idiot, for two hours? I didn't think his vocabulary was large enough."

"The boss can be quite surprising, if you let him."

"Whatever," Hikaru scoffed. "It gave me plenty of time to think of you."

**"Really? Is that why you have a giant erection? I thought it was just another deleted transition by this retarded ass website. My bad."**

"Kaoru, I need to be inside of you, _now,_" Hikaru moaned impatiently, pushing a finger into his brother.

"Hika, wait! I'm not ready yet," Kaoru breathed, wincing in pain.

Hikaru bit down on his bottom lip, adding a second finger and beginning to scissor them apart. "I can't wait anymore. If you would have come home with me, I wouldn't have time to think up doing this to you again, and I wouldn't have been so hard when you finally showed up."

Kaoru blushed, "Isn't that your own fault? Next time, just control yourself." Hikaru's eyes narrowed as he forced the last finger in. Kaoru cried out weakly, his eyes beginning to water. "Hikaru, slow down."

Needless to say, he didn't.

Kaoru squeezed his eyes shut tightly while trying to relax all the muscles in his lower body. He gripped the sheets until his knuckles were white and then some, and it still hurt like hell when his brother entered him, hurriedly prepared and barely lubricated.

"_Hikaru_!"

**whysomanyidonotknowordoi**

Kaoru couldn't get it out of his head. His twin, climaxing forcefully into him. The horrified look on his face when he was no longer lost in lust. The blood and cum flowed slowly, sickly from him, but he blinked away the tears quickly, smiling at his brother. Telling him it was okay, he barely felt it. Hikaru apologizing profusely, sorrowfully as he cleaned the mess from himself and then his brother with a warm, wet washcloth. He wondered how Hikaru knew how to comfort him so well when it hurt so much. _It must be just because he's my twin. He knows how to help me, even in an unfamiliar situation._ He still lay there, in his older brother's arms, whose breath was steady and deep in sleep, his own ragged and shallow from crying in pain. Every movement felt like a knife piercing him, but he figured it could be worse. _He could have raped me, not bothering to prepare me at all. _He looked at Hikaru's still, peacefully sleeping form. _At least he gave an attempt, albeit rushed and not very effective._

Kaoru whimpered softly as he rose from the bed, pulling on a clean pair of sweatpants. Using the moonlight, he located his bag and the black diary within, then snuck out of the room to write in peace, without disturbing his sleeping sibling.

Ironically, the room he found himself in was Hikaru's bedroom. The air was stale, the bedsheets were stiff and cleanly creased, and the only personal effects were a few scattered toys, long forgotten, and a lonely sock, that wouldn't fit either of them again in a million years. Kaoru smiled softly, happy that Hikaru hadn't touched his own room. _Because he loves me. He wants to be with me. Stay with me._

He sat gingerly at the small desk and turned on a little lamp, his fingertrails remaining in the dust.

_Dear Diary,_

_Today was...so out of the ordinary. Completely different. Absolutely amazing._

_I can't believe that his highness and I kissed...and so passionately, at that. It was completely electrifying. He tasted strangely sweet, and smelled faintly of roses, which shouldn't surprise me in the least...I'm not sure if I want to admit this, but it felt better than any kiss Hikaru ever gave me. I want more kisses, more than anything. It filled my heart with so much emotion, I wonder what it would be like if we went farther, like having sex..._

_What am I doing? I'm love with Hikaru, I always have been. Today was just a fluke. I'm only feeling strange about the kiss because it was weird, and my last encounter with Hikaru wasn't exactly...pleasant. I still love him, with all of my heart though. Things get awkward, but...I expected that. Even if what I felt with his highness was what girls believe from romance novels about love, it didn't mean anything. Real love isn't like that, and I knew that things wouldn't always be perfect between Hika and I. I was just in a weird mood earlier today, that's all._

_I love Hikaru._

_Kaoru_

**OMG IS KAORU CONFUSED OR WHAT? He doesn't even know what to think anymore. He's such a denial queen. Silly Kaoru.**

**I didn't know whether I wanted to cut out the TamaKao kiss and make it a diary entry or not, so I did both. Yay, both!**

**I have over three and a half hours worth of The Academy Is... and here I am, listening to Adema. Oh no, I skipped no songs. YOU BETTER BE HAPPY I SPENT LIKE FIVE WHOLE HOURS ON THIS! Oh, who am I kidding. I spent half the time with the document open and complaining on facebook about how I had writer's block and couldn't find out details about the characters that I really needed.**

**I forgive you for not reviewing last chapter. It was quite short and suckish. SO I SHOULD GET DOUBLE THE REVIEWS FOR THIS ONE. It's double the suck. Actually, at seven pages, more than double last chapter's three. Haha. Come on, why are you guys so shy? I don't bite! HEY ASK AROUND. I REVIEW A LOT. SHARE THE LOVE. My inner NINJASAURUS ran out of Rawrcakes to eat, so he's begging you for reviews. You don't even have to say a lot! Just be like, HEY YOU ARE COOL KTHXBAI. That would mean so much sniff sniff tear tear cry. Hurry! Before my inner NINJASAURUS decides to eat his way out!**

**Still doing that MapleStory offer by the way. I have no friends on there. Sadness and despair.**

**Thanks to Lovers Revenge, who will help me take the world by storm with TAMAKAO LOVING MADNESS. You have no idea how excited I get when I open up gmail and there's mail telling me you reviewed. Hearts and love for you. Hearts for anyone who reviews, but only love for Lovers Revenge.**

**Yeah, this probably started being creepy a long time ago.**

**Yours Truly, until das fantastische Einhorn decides that he doesn't want to share me anymore. And uses his fantastic horn to stab your brains out and eat them on a plane, Hannibal style.**


	4. The German Edition

**First off, I apologize for the wait. However, don't complain until you've tried typing with a wrist brace on. Then do it accurately. YEAH. NOT FUN. So bear with me.**

**In other news, I HAVE MY VERY OWN USA-CHAN PLUSHIE! Not like, little plushie either, but like, legit teddy bear size. It's pretty amazing. Are you jealous? If I cut and bleach my hair, suddenly sprout a penis and find a tall friend, I could carry Usagi around with me adorably, don't you think? No, not really? Anyway, once I stop being lazy I'll have a picture of us together on facebook, so if you're interested in seeing it let me know :)**

**LOVERS REVENGE! I'm going to dedicate a chapter in particular just to you! However, this is not it. Ironically, it may be chapter six, but that's purely by chance. Either way, I was terribly honored, so thank you!**

**Oh yes, I lent out my manga, so if I get anything wrong, I'm sorry. But I can't really look it up. Whatever, if anyone notices any errors, let me know!**

**While I do own a stuffed Usa doll, I do not own Ouran. Es tut mir leid. That's sorry.**

**Lastly, chapters one and two have been edited. Just for errors, so don't go looking back in panic. Nothing is different, it is just corrected now.**

**The first italicized portion of this chapter is uh, ahem. Mature. Don't read it if you don't really want to. In fact, it's one of my more graphic writings, which might not be saying much, but, yeah. Don't complain.**

**The story is in third person except for the diary! Italics is Kaoru writing in the diary or thought. Or now, Dreams! (Italics) are flashbacks. **

Ich habe nie gewusst

Kapitel Vier - Keine Zitrone, aber dass ist mir scheissegal!

Obwohl keine echte Zitrone ist vorhanden, es gibt eine Sexphantasie! Böser Gelächter! Hurra für ein guter Traum, was? If that's the case, then it must be TamaKao (pfft finally right?)

_His hands ran down my stomach slowly, tenderly, stopping to tease my inner thighs with his thumbs, so dangerously close to a certain bit of anatomy that was screaming for attention. I whimpered wantonly under his soft caresses, and he leaned over to tease my navel with his tongue. He felt so confident, so experienced, and I felt naïve and childish, though we're close in age. My eyes had been closed the entire time, at his request, so that I could focus on and enjoy the feeling without other senses distracting me. I didn't mind too much, although I didn't know who was giving me so much pleasure for sure. It had to be Hikaru; he was the only one plaguing my dreams. However, it seemed so different from my twin's touch that I had to question it._

_His hands moved to my swollen manhood and I resisted crying out. One hand languidly stroked my member while the other cupped one of my balls, fondling it shamelessly. It was almost too many sensations to take at once, but I held on as best I could. I wanted to make this last, to have my mystery lover want me as much as I wanted him—although once I felt his hard length brush against my leg I was sure that I wouldn't have to wait long for that to happen. His hands continued their ministrations as he kissed down from my navel to the base of my erection; his warm breath hovering over it made me shiver with anticipation. He dragged his tongue lightly down my shaft, making me bite my lips to hold back a moan. My lower body tensed as I became more aroused and tried not to writhe around. I was painfully hard, but I wanted to feel so much more before my climax._

_He lovingly kissed the head and I bucked my hips involuntarily. I felt him smile against the skin of my thigh, where he moved to kiss and tease briefly. "If you can't control yourself, I won't give you the chance to lose control." His chuckle resonated through my lower body, causing the heat to coil uncomfortably in my abdomen. His movements were tortuous at first, but then he indulged me, taking my weeping erection greedily into his mouth, running his tongue up the vein that throbbed on its underside and sucking down to the base. My hands ran through his silky hair, my fingers clutching it in desperation as he let me lasciviously fuck his mouth; the hot, wet cavern was all too inviting, and he even prodded me with his tongue and hummed pleasantly. I was about to come down his throat when he suddenly held my hips back and my straining cock was released to the cold air again. I whined in annoyance, but mewled in pleasure once I felt a slick finger push through my puckered entrance. It wriggled pleasantly around inside of me for a bit before a second made its way in. It was slightly uncomfortable, but it didn't hurt, even as he scissored and stretched the muscular hole. I winced a bit in pain as he inserted the third finger, but cried out as he pressed harshly against my sweet spot. My breathing had long been haggard, but I felt as if I were drowning in pleasure, unable to take a single breath. _

"_Again," I whispered urgently, and I heard him chuckle. He teased me, pressing much too gently this time against that bundle of nerves, and held my hips so that I couldn't press down on the intruding—much too desirable—fingers before they started to stretch me for the final time. At last, I felt the head of his dick press gently against my prepared entrance, and I nearly fainted with anticipation._

"_Kaoru," he whispered, his voice laced thickly with layers of lust, but it was was the pure adoration underneath that made my eyes flicker open. Violet eyes stared down at me, shimmering with desire, and I pushed my hips down to encourage his entrance. _

"_Tamaki," I moaned as he-_

"Ah!" Kaoru sat up immediately in bed, taking in his surroundings. He was sweating profusely, his heart was racing, pounding against his ribcage, and his arousal was throbbing so forcefully that it hurt just to think about how hard he was, let alone to actually feel the pain resonate through his pulsating genitals.

"Morning, Sunshine," Hikaru smirked down on his brother. "Looks like I wasn't enough last night, huh?" Kaoru looked down to see his erection was extremely prominent through the sheet, and was sure that underneath it was a picture too obscene to reveal. "Do you want some help with that?" Kaoru shook his head vigorously, blushing furiously. He hoped to run to the bathroom and finish himself before Hikaru could see too much, and scrambled out of bed suddenly.

"Haa—Ah!" His breath caught in his throat and his pain was apparent on his face. Hikaru's eyes lost their mirth, filling instead with concern as he put his hands on his brother's shoulders.

"Kaoru? Are you okay? Does it...does it hurt? Because of me?"

Kaoru blinked away as many tears as he could before looking back to his brother. "The pain's pretty dull, I just can't be too sudden, you know? You didn't do too badly, I just...it's more sore than anything else," he smiled, trying to reassure his twin. Hikaru nodded hesitantly, not fully believing his brother.

"Do you want me to help you? Can you even go to school like this?"

Kaoru nodded, hiding his nervousness well. "Of course. I'll get used to it. It'll feel better if I use it, like stretching after a bad cramp."

Hikaru raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure? I don't think it works that way...but all right, then. At least, let me help you get ready this morning. I want you to rest a little before you spend the whole day walking around and sitting on it, and...I don't know. Are you sure you don't want to stay home?"

Kaoru nodded with a smile. "Won't it be sort of suspicious if I don't show up?"

Hikaru shrugged, not entirely understanding, but he didn't argue. "I'll only let you go if you let me take care of you, and _promise _to go to the infirmary if it bothers you too much, okay?"

**heylooktransitionyay**

Kaoru stared out of a dark tinted window as the road passed by on his way to school, blushing faintly as he remembered getting ready this morning. Hikaru first helped him with that little—very big problem. As if that wasn't embarrassing enough, he showered with him, was dressed by him, and carried by him, all so that he could "have a rest before walking all day." _I'm pretty sure it's just because he's big a perv. _He sighed lightly, more out of weariness than anything else. He didn't exactly consider it yawning, since it didn't involve an unflattering, gaping mouth and irritatingly loud breathing, but it should have been a yawn before a sigh. _The things I think about when I'm avoiding something, _he thought, almost amused. He cringed as they hit a particularly large bump in the road and he hit the seat unexpectedly, but the pain subsided quickly. That didn't stop Hikaru from noticing, though, who then reached over to take Kaoru's hand in his own gently, whispering apologies.

"I really mean it, Kao-chan, I'm sorry," he breathed as his eyes shined, his thumb drawing light circles over Kaoru's hand.

Kaoru smiled, "How many times do I have to say that I'm okay? Believe me, Hikaru, if I were mad at you for this, you would know."

"Would I?" Hikaru muttered darkly, apparently bitter about his twin's uncanny ability to hide all of his feelings in a way that Hikaru could just not emulate. Sure, he was a great actor, but he didn't exactly compare, despite that. _Sometimes it pisses me off, _he thought, _that we're twins and read each other so well, finishing each other's sentences and being connected in everything. He always knows what I'm thinking because he knows me so well, but every once in a while, he brings up that firewall, like he doesn't want my virus of a connection. And I can't hack my way into it. Every once in a while, I don't know if he's really lying or not. And it pisses me off, _"like nothing else ever has," he huffed.

"Hn?" Kaoru turned again to face Hikaru. He smiled at the irritated face his brother wore and gently squeezed his hand before pulling it away. "Did you say something, Hikaru? Everything will be okay, I promise." The two exited the car and approached the front doors of the school, feeling almost like themselves again.

"Kaoruuuu! My daughter's been looking for your devil twin, and I'm sure this isn't something I should be happy about, ne?"

Hikaru rolled his eyes, about to keep walking, but followed Kaoru's lead instead. Frankly, Kaoru didn't care _what _Hikaru did, because Tamaki was running towards them with that goofy, charming, handsome—with that normal Tama-chan smile.

"Ohayo, Tono. Haruhi's been looking for Hikaru?"

Tamaki nodded, putting an arm around Kaoru's shoulders. Kaoru stiffened immediately, thinking, _My dream...at first, I figured it was Hikaru, but...wasn't it his highness? _Not to mention, I've been waiting for my favorite son." Kaoru smiled as brightly as he could, but he could hear the hidden meaning inside that statement, although he was sure that no one else listening would. _The truth is, I'm going out of my mind. I can't believe I thought things like that about Ton—I mean, Senpai. _Kaoru fought a blush.

"Hikaru, why don't you go meet with her, okay?"

Hikaru crossed his arms for a moment. _Any other day I'd be happy to run off and join her, _Hikaru thought, _but I don't want to be there without you, especially leaving you here with that freak, especially on a day like today, when..._ "Kao-chan, I don't know if I should leave you alone just yet..."

Kaoru pouted. "Didn't I tell you already? I'll find you if I need you, and anyway, I have his highness if I get into trouble."

Hikaru's eyes widened slightly. _KAORU! There's no way I'd let him help you with something like that, and besides... _He was conveying these feelings through his eyes, he was sure, and through the connection they had—but it was suddenly cut off by Kaoru's walls again. Hikaru blushed faintly and turned away, uncrossing his arms in defeat. "Fine. I'll be around if you need me, then." He scowled as he turned his back, _who does that guy think he is, anyway? Holding Kaoru like that, as if they had ever been friendly before..._ Hikaru sighed, _What am I saying? It's not like his highness means anything. Tono is just being...Tono._

He smiled, approaching Haruhi, who turned and smiled back at him. "Where's your other half?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

Hikaru shrugged, "Said he had to talk to the boss. He'll catch up with us later, then."

Haruhi nodded. "Want to walk together, then?"

Hikaru smiled, "If it gives me a chance to tease you, then of course."

Haruhi laughed bitterly, "I won't give you the chance, especially without Kaoru. I won't be so vulnerable, then!" Hikaru shrugged, thinking, _I guess we'll see about that then, huh?_

Meanwhile, Tamaki watched Kaoru carefully as they walked together in the crowd, a good distance behind Hikaru and Haruhi. Not that it mattered to him, but he was sure that Kaoru didn't appreciate being so far away from his twin.

"...and then," Kaoru laughed, looking at Tamaki, who looked too much in thought to be paying attention at all. "Uh, Tono?" He gave a light poke to his elder's shoulder, who just kept in stride with Kaoru. "Tono? Ah, um...Senpai?" Tamaki stopped, turning to face Kaoru, who blushed under the blond's violet gaze. _I can't get it out of my mind, those eyes filled with so much emotion..._

Tamaki smiled genuinely, "You remembered! That I liked when you called me that."

"Uh, well...that you wanted me to say it, at the very least. But listen, Hikaru will ask about it if I start calling you that, so... how about when it's just the two of us, then?"

Tamaki took a step closer to the red-head, looking down slightly. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

Kaoru shivered, taking a step back. "A-all right."

"What's wrong?" The blond asked suddenly, turning serious.

"Uh, nothing. Why?" Kaoru replied nervously, not exactly wanting to talk about his nighttime habits.

"Something's wrong, I can just tell. Do you need some time? Do you...want to talk about it later? We'll have lunch together, away from the rest of them. I'll bring you something and we'll eat in the classroom for today."

The red-head nodded hesitantly. "Sounds good, I guess." Tamaki smiled.

"Okay, I'll see you later, then!" He ran off with a wave, leaving Kaoru a bit confused. He turned to see that he had already made it to his classroom, but he...was feeling strangely lonely.

_I guess I'm just a little out of it today,_ he shrugged as he went in. As he approached his desk, he noticed Hikaru and Haruhi together, which wasn't abnormal, but they seemed to be a little extra chummy this morning. _Maybe I'm just hyper-aware of the way Hika is with other people, since we've gotten...closer. _The last thought made him blush, but he quickly threw that thought away as the teacher told them to sit and start class.

**yayfoodisloveright**

"Kaoru, aren't you coming?" Hikaru turned around to see his brother still sitting at his desk.

"Ah, sorry," Kaoru smiled nervously, scratching the back of his head. "Well, I forgot got to tell you, I guess...I'm not going to eat with everyone today. I'm staying in the classroom."

"Eh? But, Kaoru, it's not like you packed anything, so even if you wanted to eat here you'd have to go with us to get food."

"Senpai is bringing it to me. Don't worry, Hikaru."

"Senpai?" Hikaru and Haruhi asked in unison. _I thought that was only for us twins, _Kaoru thought, amused.

"Sorry, the boss. We have a lunch date today!" Kaoru smiled brightly, that sweet smile that could only belong to him (though inwardly he was scolding himself for saying senpai). Haruhi looked intrigued, putting a finger to her mouth and looking up, but otherwise satisfied. Hikaru, on the other hand, looked at his brother in disbelief.

"Since when was he 'Senpai' to you?"

"Well, I thought I might mess with him by calling him that. What do you think?"

Hikaru frowned, sure that his brother was lying. "Well, it threw me for a loop, anyway." He huffed, turning around. "Whatever. Anyway, let's go, Haruhi."

Haruhi smiled. "Have fun, Kaoru."

**oristhelovefoodwaitwhat**

"Sorry I made you wait," Tamaki smiled brightly. "But I got there a little later than usual, and I wanted to make sure I got you the right lunch."

"It's okay, and thank you." Kaoru blushed lightly at how happy Tamaki seemed. "It's actually my favorite."

Tamaki nodded sadly as he sat next to Kaoru. "I know. Look, I...I know you don't really want to talk about it, but I have to know. What's wrong?" He put a hand on the younger twin's shoulder.

"Can't we be happy while we eat? Then I'll tell you the sad stuff after?"

"I want to get it over with. Besides, with your devilish mind, you'll stall, or distract me, and we'll never talk about it."

Kaoru sighed. "I...I guess. Look, sir—I mean, Senpai, I just...it's embarrassing."

"You can trust me." Kaoru's heart swelled; he didn't even have to look at Tamaki's eyes to know that it was true, although he did.

"I had sex with Hikaru." Those deep, violet orbs widened slightly, but the blond didn't look entirely put out.

"I sort of figured. I mean, you're pretty good at hiding it, but I could see it when you walked, or fidgeted in your chair when I walked in."

Kaoru blushed. "So, it's not obvious? You just knew?" Tamaki nodded. "How?"

"I've been there before," Tamaki muttered, looking away briefly. "Look, this isn't about me, this is about you. And how I know that you're not only physically hurting, so just tell me what's going on."

"Well...we've been sleeping together for about a month now. And at first I thought, this is great! I've been in love with him all this time, and he loves me back, but...it doesn't really seem that way anymore. I mean, not since he's spending all of his time with Haruhi. I mean, before, I used to push them together, since I could see they liked each other. But then he and I started...this thing, and I don't know where we stand. I mean, we obviously can't be like lovers in public, but, I kind of figured that we would be. But ever since we started having sex, it's like...he spends all day with Haruhi and then just wants to go home and...and..." Kaoru blinked, trying not to cry. "We get home from school, and I haven't talked to him all day. I barely feel like I've even seen him at all. And all he wants to do is have sex. He doesn't want to do homework together, or play games, or just talk. He just wants to jump right into bed, and I...I always let him. Because I feel like, like even if it's Haruhi he wants to talk to, I'm the one he loves, the one he comes home to at night. I'm the one he wants to touch. I satisfy him, and then I feel like everything will be okay, until it's morning again. And I can't stop the hurting from suffocating my heart."

Tamaki suddenly took the red-head into his arms, embracing him tightly. "I'm sorry. It's okay," he whispered soothingly.

"Senpai, do you think...is he just using me as a release? Is the one he really loves Haruhi?"

"It's hard to say. That's something you'll have to ask him, I'm afraid."

Kaoru nodded, relishing the warmth of the older student. "Sorry, sir. I didn't mean to dump this all out on you," he muttered, burying his face in Tamaki's blazer and clutching the fabric desperately.

Tamaki smiled. "It's okay, I asked for it. I want to be there for you always. You have to let me."

"I will."

The rest of their lunch date wasn't quite as dramatic. Or, at least for the most part. Tamaki quickly raised Kaoru's spirits, and time was flying by. However, there was one more thing he wanted to do before it ended...

"What are my clues for today, Senpai?"

"Huh? What?"

"The boy, the one you're in love with."  
"Oh. Right. Uh, well...he's a boy."

"Cheater."

"Fine, he likes English."

"What else?"

"Spicy food."

"Kyouya."

"Don't you want your third clue?"

"He likes those things."

"That's true," Tamaki said thoughtfully. "That's why I picked them. To trick you."

"To lie? You said yesterday that Kyouya was wrong."

"That's true."

"So then the clues are false."

"Why does he have to be the only one to like those things?"

"What's the last clue, then?"

"He's quite the devil, when he tries."

"That's what I said, it's Kyouya."

"Wrong." And before Kaoru could blink, Tamaki's lips were pressed urgently against his, his arms pulling Kaoru as close as humanly possible. Kaoru's hands flew to Tamaki's head, tangling his fingers in the soft blond hair as he moaned softly, inviting his elder's tongue into his mouth gratefully. Tamaki's wet ligament explored the hot cavern happily, running over the different textures inside: gums, teeth, insides of cheeks; but it was always his favorite when their tongues met and danced with each other, fighting playfully for dominance. They both knew that Kaoru really wanted to be submissive, but it was boring without a little action.

Just as they started to get lightheaded, the doorknob turned. Their eyes flew open in shock and they jumped away from each other quite literally, making sure they were a good three feet apart. They were both flushed and panting, scrambling to think of a convincing story in the seconds before the intruder entered, but neither could think of an excuse. Kaoru sat quickly at his desk, busying himself with a random scrap of paper as Tamaki turned, cleaning up the remnants of their lunch.

"Well, Kaoru," he started loudly, "it was nice talking to you!"

Kaoru laughed nervously, "Of course, Tono!" He was also suspiciously loud. They both laughed and smiled like lunatics as Kaoru ushered Tamaki from the room, leaving a bewildered Hikaru and Haruhi, as well as a couple of other classmates at the door.

"See you at the club!" They practically screamed at each other, waving down the hall. Kaoru rushed back to his desk once Tamaki disappeared down the hallway, avoiding his brother's gaze.

"You are absolutely going to tell me what the hell that was later, and you're not getting out of it, either."

Kaoru stared down at his desk like it was the most interesting thing in the world, blatantly ignoring his twin until said boy walked away._ This really isn't my forte._

**hahawasntthatjustsoscandalous**

Kaoru yawned as the teacher droned on. Physics was for Hikaru, not himself. _I guess it's as good a __time as any, then. _He opened up his black notebook.

_Dear Diary,_

_It's me._

_I know it's me._

_And I don't even care that it's me._

_Because...it makes me happy._

_And now, I love two, beautiful, wonderful boys._

_And right now, I think...only one of them loves me back._

_And I'm sure that I can't have either of them._

_What should I do?_

_Kaoru._

And for the rest of the day, he proceeded to doodle, not the dresses and designs that he usually imagined, but of puppy dogs with Tamaki's eyes, cats with his brother's scowl, and crying dolls with his own face, being torn apart by their vicious claws.

**ACH! Fertig! (Finished!) It took me a while to finish, because I would finally get my brace off and hurry to start typing. And then need it again. Hurra! But this chapter was pretty suckish. I'll try harder next time T_T Also, I was going to do the host club in this chappie, but I'm sure that you've waited long enough. It was tiring enough for me anyway.**

**Sorry about the random German. I'm the top of my class, but that doesn't mean I don't need practice and it doesn't mean that I'm actually any good, so if anyone's got corrections or pointers, feel free to shout them out!**

**IN A REVIEW. WITH LOVE. YES.**

**Plus, if you've ever met my class, they're a bunch of dumbasses, so being better than all of them might not be saying much O.o Not to mention that my grammar usually leaves much to be desired, so...if you haven't already noticed XP**

**In any case, if you're wondering what it said:**

**I Never Knew; Chapter Four – No Lemon, but I don't give a damn, shit, fuck (depends who's translating sometimes); Although there isn't a lemon, there's a sex dream! *Evil laughter* Hurray for a good dream, right?**

**I didn't translate it exactly, but that's what I wanted it to say in English. I had to improvise with the German, since my vocab is only so large and dictionaries only help so much. Right-O!**

**Can I just say that writing this was really awkward? Only because some of my real life friends (see, because you are my internet friends (: so yay) read this fanfiction, and I have to face them afterwards. It makes me a hot blushy mess, but that's life I guess. But, GAH it's really embarrassing sometimes. At the very least, I hope you enjoyed it without shame. I think it was a job well done, or just the dream sequence if nothing else, hm? Also, I apologize for the entirely too long AN's. I realize that I go a little overboard and try to counteract that with nice long chapters.**

**In any event, you should use that as an excuse to review.**

**I DEMAND MORE REVIEWS.  
I ALSO DEMAND OPENOFFICE TO STOP DOING THAT FUNKY DOUBLE CURSOR THING! Because to tell the truth, it's hard to tell which one is the real one, and which one is the ****one that exists for the sole purpose of pissing me off. Either way, thanks to all of my reviewers, including PenandPaperlove, tsuchikin901, and the ever faithful Lovers Revenge. You make me all squee and such. I say including, but really, they are the only ones. STEP UP TO THE PLATE PEOPLE GOSH.**

**Enough complaining I suppose, ne?**

**Yours Truly~**


	5. The Comeback Chapter

**This is my most sincere apology. Yeah yeah. But I've had Marching Band and TWO AP classes and lots of other very nerve-wracking things happen to me. Good thing I graduated last week!**

**I suppose I should move on, anyway. Oh, yeah. In one of the chapters, Hikaru says "begs the question." I hope it interests you all to know that said phrase is a logical fallacy. As in, the premise contains the conclusion and is questionable. As in, "I find that man attractive because he is so handsome." It doesn't, in fact, mean the same thing as "raises the question." Hikaru fails at grammar. That's why Kaoru does his English work for him.**

**Dedicated to LoversRevenge for having faith in me and checking up on me while I was on hiatus. Also, for being generally awesome.**

**I don't own Ouran. This much should be obvious.**

I Never Knew

Chapter Five – Tonight, I've decided to listen exclusively to Collective Soul

No Lemon?

"Haa...today was kind of long," Kaoru sighed once the guests had vacated Music Room Three. "I'm ready for a nap."

"Is that so? Actually, we ended quite early today," Kyouya replied, writing on his clipboard. "Are you not feeling well today?"

Kaoru frowned. _Am I putting off some kind of sickly aura? Why is everyone asking me that today? _"I'm fine. I guess I just didn't sleep well."

"Hm." Kyouya continued to scribble some notes, then walked away, adding, "Well, I'll excuse you from cleanup today, then. Go home and rest."

Kaoru nodded gratefully. He stretched before standing and scanned the room for his twin, only to find Hikaru speaking with Haruhi in hushed tones. _I should have guessed,_ he thought bitterly. _I guess I'll just wait at the car._ He shouted a goodbye to no one in particular as his hand reached the doorknob, but was stopped by a hand on his shoulder.

"Kaoru, wait a minute," Tamaki said, his blond hair slightly mussed. His hand still rested on the red head's shoulder and he blushed lightly as he continued, "I wanted to talk to you for a second—"

"Tamaki," Kyouya said at the same time as Hikaru shouted, "Tono!" The two looked at each other briefly. "Tamaki, leave him alone and clean up here. I don't remember saying you could leave," Kyouya continued.

"But—come on! It's just for a minute."

"You heard him," Hikaru sneered as he walked over to them, grabbing Kaoru's arm. "You're on cleanup duty. I'll make sure Kao-chan gets home okay."

**lalalalatransitionsong**

"Hika-chan," Kaoru muttered, "Don't you think you were a little harsh back there?"

"No," Hikaru stated firmly, crossing his arms over his chest. The car had been silent for most of the trip, and he wanted it to stay that way.

"But, Hika—"

"No."

"Hikaru."

"I said no."

Kaoru sighed and looked out the window. It had started to drizzle, and he wondered why it always seemed to rain when things were terrible. _Like the weather knows how I feel, and it thinks it's funny to play along,_ he thought.

"Kaoru," Hikaru sighed finally, "what's going on?"

"I should ask you the same."

Hikaru rolled his eyes. "I mean it. You're keeping secrets from me. What are you running around with _that guy_ for? You and I just mess with him, right? He's not important. It's just you and me, Kao-chan. Just you and me." He opened the door and started quickly towards the house, assuming that the conversation was done.

"And Haruhi," Kaoru said, still standing by the car.

"Huh?" Hikaru turned to see his twin staring at the ground, the rain hitting him without remorse. "Kao, let's go. We'll get drenched."

"Don't ignore me," Kaoru replied, slamming the car door shut and taking long strides towards his brother. "I said Haruhi. You and me _and Haruhi_. That's what you meant to say, isn't it?"

"Don't do this, Kaoru."

"Don't do what?" The younger sibling looked up defiantly, his eyes smoldering. "Don't be frank?"

"Just, not now, Kao. Let's get dry," Hikaru said, the annoyance in his voice dissipating. He held out a hand, waiting for his brother to take it.

Kaoru walked right past him.

**Yay! So this is obnoxiously short, but I have things to do. And I really wanted to do something to let you know that I'm back! Now that I graduated. Yay. On to college! Anyone going to Norwich University? **

**Yours Truly~**


	6. College is Awesome, btw

**Hello again! College is awesome! I've got one of the hardest majors and one of the most useless minors but I'm really happy and I've got great new friends. :D On with the story!**

**I still don't own anything. Just saying.**

I Never Knew

Chapter Six – For some reason, iTunes Genius thinks that pairing the pillows and Bullet For My Valentine is a good idea.

No Lemon?

"Kaoru," Hikaru breathed, "I'm sorry." He lay beside his brother and gently stroked his cheek.

Kaoru scoffed and turned away. "For what, exactly?"

Hikaru propped himself up on his elbows and made a face. "Dunno, whatever you're mad about?"

Kaoru scowled. "That's one of the reasons I'm fucking angry."

"Don't," Hikaru growled. "I told you, don't."

"Don't what?" Kaoru yelled, sitting up. "You say you don't know what I'm mad about, but you really know, don't you? You act like there's nothing wrong, but you know it's there."

"Don't do this to us!" Hikaru groaned, slapping his hands against his forehead.

"What?" Kaoru jumped out of the bed, standing up and glowering down at his twin. "Excuse me? What am _I_ doing to _us_?"

"You're sealing up! I _know _you. I've _seen _you. In ways no one else will _ever_. In the most intimate manner. And you _still hide_!" Hikaru shouted, sitting up and staring at his brother. He paused, looked down into his lap before continuing, softer, "I've seen you, felt you, touched you when you were most vulnerable. I'm a part of your body, of your _soul_." He looked back up, his gaze still hard. "But not of your mind. You've never allowed me to be a part of your mind. You know me like the back of your hand, but you are _such_ a mystery to me. So tell me. What's wrong? How do I fix this if I don't know what the problem is?"

"It's _her_," Kaoru hissed, pointing his finger in no particular direction as if to jab her with his finger, hard. "No matter what I do."

Hikaru's head snapped up. "What? _ Haruhi_?"

"_Of course_," Kaoru spat. "It was just _us_. In our world. And suddenly _she's _here. And we have sex but that's it. We used to be close. And now you spend all your time with her. And when you come home, we fuck. And that's all you've ever wanted out of me." He stood up, too emotional and riled up to keep sitting.

"Kao, what are you—"

Kaoru continued, cutting his brother off. "You love her, but can't have her, so you use my body to satisfy yourself! If you wanted a sex toy, they have stores for that!" He turned to storm out of the room but Hikaru grabbed his arm.

"Hey!" Hikaru shouted angrily. "You don't get to end this conversation without my input. You don't get to leave it this way." He pulled his twin back, practically throwing him back down onto the bed. "Just sit down and shut up." Kaoru scowled, but remained on the bed. "Now," Hikaru sighed in an attempt to calm down, "where did you get all of these ideas from? What's been happening to you?"

"It's just..." Kaoru averted his eyes. No way was he going to tell Hikaru anything about Tamaki. "It's just a feeling. The way I've been seeing you act lately, and the way it's been making me feel.

And I've grown to love you in unimaginable ways. And I couldn't bear to see you with her, but if it made you happy, I couldn't stop you. And then...you returned my feelings. And I let you have me. Because I thought that made you happy."

Hikaru blinked owlishly. "You _let_ me have you? Because it would make _me_ happy? Shouldn't you be saying, 'I _gave_ myself to you, because it made me happy?' Kao, that's the problem."

Kaoru's eyes welled with tears. "Why do I have to be the problem? Are you even listening to what I'm saying? Can you just take a look at yourself through my eyes?"

Hikaru crossed his arms. "You're being unreasonable."

"Hika, no—don't dismiss me anymore. Tell me straight, yes or no. Am I just a replacement to you?" Kaoru tried to blink away tears as he waited for an answer, every second making him more anxious.

"You're ridiculous. I don't want to justify that question with an answer."

"Just humor me, please!" Kaoru screeched, a few tears escaping.

"Fine! If it'll make you feel better, no, you're not a replacement!" Hikaru scowled, turning around. "Don't you even trust me?"

"I don't know what to think anymore," Kaoru whimpered. "I really don't. So please, if that isn't the truth, tell me now. Don't say it to make me feel better, say it to be honest."

Hikaru sighed, taking his twin's hand. "I am being honest, Kao. Believe me."

Kaoru nodded, and sank into his twin's embrace, wanting nothing more than to believe his words. 

****

"Kaoru?" Tamaki said sleepily. "Is something wrong?"

Kaoru nodded, momentarily forgetting that visuals were lost on the phone. "I'm sorry to bother you so late at night, but I really needed to talk to you. That is, if you're still interested."

"Hm?" Tamaki sat up in his bed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "Of course, I'm here whenever you need me," he replied in the most caring tone he could muster right after waking up. "Is everything okay? Did...did something else happen?"

"Well, I...I confronted Hikaru." Kaoru paused, not knowing what to say.

"And?" Tamaki said finally, "what did he say?"

"He said that he wasn't just using me. He said that I was being ridiculous and unreasonable." Kaoru squirmed in his chair. Hikaru seemed fine with the outcome, but he himself was still very uneasy about the situation.

Tamaki frowned, pulling his knees to his chest and playing with a loose thread on his comforter. "And you're okay with this?" _Because I certainly am not._

"Yeah," Kaoru replied unconvincingly.

"If you expect honesty from others," Tamaki started.

"No, I hate it," Kaoru admitted. "I feel like he's hiding something from me, and I'm not sure how I feel anymore. When I'm with him, everything just feels terrible, and I'm filled with shame and regret and uneasiness..."

"Kaoru, he's your brother. I don't mean to judge you, but..."

"I don't blame you, I understand. This was all wrong from the beginning. But I don't know how to get out of this. I don't know what to do. Because there is someone who makes me feel so wonderful and loved, and—" Kaoru stopped himself. _What are you doing, idiot? This is hardly the time to go proclaiming your love._

"O-oh," Tamaki said, curling his toes nervously, "well I'm glad that you have something—someone to be happy about." _Was I really being vague about my feelings? I thought he would realize—or maybe he just doesn't know how to break it to me._ "Are you going to talk to Hikaru again?"

"No, that's not what I meant. I mean—well, I don't want to talk to him alone," was the line Kaoru settled for, _although I'm far past foot-in-mouth-syndrome._

"Well, I don't mean to intrude, but would it help if I were there? Does he know that I know?"

"Kaoru?" Both Tamaki and Kaoru froze at the voice they heard. "Kao, who are you talking to?"

"Oh, it's no one," Kaoru started to say, but Hikaru had already crossed the room and taken the phone.

"Boss? Kaoru needs his sleep, don't call him late like this. You might be reckless, but my baby brother is—"

"Actually, Hika," Kaoru started, but he heard Tamaki's voice on the phone.

"Oh, you know," Tamaki laughed, "I just couldn't sleep, and I figured that he wouldn't mind chatting. But you're right, I should be more responsible. Sweet dreams, you two devils!" With that overjoyed response, Tamaki hung up the phone. But he was feeling far from cheery. _I might actually not be able to fall back asleep, now..._

Hikaru frowned as he closed the flip phone. "Why would you answer that call? How did you even hear it and I didn't?"

"Oh, I don't know, I guess you were just worn out."

"_You_ are the one who looks worn out," Hikaru said, crossing his arms in disbelief. "Were you still awake when that idiot called you? And what are you in here for anyway?"

"Well, I woke up to use the bathroom and he happened to call then," Kaoru lied, standing up and stretching as if he were tired, but lately he had been too stressed out to sleep at all. "I came here so I wouldn't wake you up."

"Well, I woke up and you weren't there," Hikaru said firmly, still unimpressed by the explanation. "I went looking for you."

"Well," Kaoru smiled, growing tired of this back-and-forth questioning, "now we can go back to sleep." He put his hand on his brother's arm, wanting to pull him back to bed.

"Kao, how long have you been coming in this room?" Hikaru said, suddenly accusatory.

"What?" Kaoru tried to play innocent, but his twin wasn't having it.

"Don't play dumb, there are seven layers of dust on everything except for this desk. And there's no way you did all that in one night. Why have you been coming here, Kaoru?"

The guilty twin swallowed hard, thinking, _At least I didn't have my notebook this time._

**Oh, snap. He got caught. Poor Kao must feel like a giant ass. And poor Tamaki, being oblivious. This is shaping up quite nicely, isn't it? Sorry to cut it short, but I have homework and an early class tomorrow :D**

**Yours Truly~**


	7. Chapter 7

**I know it's been too long since I've updated, but when humanity is plagued by the zombie apocalypse, I doubt that reading another crappy chapter of this fanfic will be at the forefront of your mind.**

"Look, I didn't want to say anything, because he asked me not to tell, but...Hika, I know you can keep a secret, right?"

Hikaru was still frowning with his arms folded across his chest, but he nodded. "Of course, you know that."

"Well, it's just...I mean, about Tono, he's—I've been hanging out with him so much lately because...well, he needs help." Kaoru quickly formed a story in desperation. "I've been coming here for a while to talk to him alone, so that I wouldn't wake you. You see, he...his family has a bride lined up for him. Only he's in love with someone else. And he doesn't know how to tell his father." The more he spoke, the more confident he became. After all, the best lies are modified truths.

"Why not?" Hikaru asked simply, raising an eyebrow. "Just say it. 'I don't want to marry her; here is the one I want instead.' Easy."

"But it _isn't_ that easy, Hika. It's...it's a little inappropriate for him to marry the person he's in love with."

"_Why_?" Hikaru pushed, uncrossing his arms in anger. Then suddenly, his eyes widened and he growled. "It's Haruhi, isn't it? That fucking—"

"Hikaru—"

"Saying that she's not good enough for him; she's _too_ good for him!"

"Hikaru!" Kaoru tried again, louder, but his twin wouldn't have any of it.

"...doesn't even have the balls to fight for her—"

"HIKARU!"

"What?" Hikaru shouted, glaring at his brother.

"It's not Haruhi. It's a _boy_."

Hikaru blinked. "What?"

"Tono is _gay_, Hika, and he doesn't know how to break it to his family."

"O-oh. Well," Hikaru blushed, "wow. With the way he acts, I didn't ever think..."

"Well, now you know. Happy?"

Hikaru sighed. "Yes. Sorry, for being so..."

"Paranoid?"

"Jealous."

"Jealous?" Jealous of _Tono_?" Kaoru couldn't help but laugh.

Hikaru turned away from his brother, feeling embarrassed. "It's just, you know, now that we're _together_, and I don't like seeing you hanging around other guys. And Tono, he's, I mean, I'm not even sure I'm happy about him being gay," Hikaru stammered nervously. "That kind of bothers me too."

"Huh? I don't understand."

"You know, what if he's trying to steal you away? And I have to protect you, baby brother. You're like—like little red riding hood."

"Are you saying that Tamaki is a wolf in disguise? That's laughable."

"Is it?" Hikaru turned back around to face his brother with a scowl. "You've seen how good an actor he is, he could be fooling all of us with this silly act." Kaoru rolled his eyes. "And anyway, it's not just him. I can't stand the thought of any man looking to gobble you up. That's only for _me_."

Kaoru clenched his fists. "You know, maybe if you'd actually take the time to get to know him, you'd see that Tamaki is—"

"Kao-chan!" Hikaru whined.

"more than he seems to be."

"Stop saying that!"

"Saying what?" Kaoru asked wearily after a pause.

"His _name_," Hikaru hissed.

Kaoru gaped at his brother. "Tamaki?"

"Yes!" Hikaru replied angrily.

"That's his _name_, Hikaru!" Kaoru shouted incredulously. "What else am I supposed to call him?"

"Just don't say it like _that_."

"Like what?"

"Like you love him or something."

Kaoru blushed bright red. "I really can't believe that you just said that. How could you ever think that I don't love you? And after all of this Haruhi shit—"

"Don't bring her into this, Kaoru. This is about us, just you and me. And look, I just—I mean, I..." Hikaru continued to emit useless syllables without completing a thought.

"Well, fine. But I don't want you in my bed tonight." Kaoru stood, his face hardened, and grabbed his phone. "You can just sleep in here."

**This chapter is longer on paper, but I'm tired and I have work tomorrow, so I'll try to finish it up by the end of the week. **


	8. Chapter 8

**Life moves way too quickly.**

**I don't own anything.**

"Kaoru?" Tamaki asked timidly, opening the door to Music Room Three. Kaoru quickly wiped his eyes and turned to face the door in the armchair he occupied. "Oh, Kaoru, there you are. What happened? Are you okay?" The words flowed quickly from his mouth in nervousness as he approached the redhead.

"Hey, Senpai. I'm fine."

Tamaki shook his head and took Kaoru's face in his hands. "No, you're not. You're crying."

Tears welled up in Kaoru's eyes but he resisted crying. "I don't know. I don't know," he said after a pause. "Hikaru was angry when we hung up, and then I lied to him, and I told him that you were gay, and he got really jealous, and—and..."

"Hey, hey," Tamaki said softly. "Come here and sit down with me." Kaoru took Tamaki's hand and let himself be led over to a couch. "Now," Tamaki said, putting an arm around Kaoru and taking his hand in his own, "just relax. Just breathe." Kaoru nodded as he took a deep breath and leaned his head onto Tamaki's shoulder. "Better?"

"Yeah," Kaoru replied, feeling calm in Tamaki's arms. "I'm sorry for freaking out, I just—I just don't know what to do."

"I know, I know." Tamaki stroked Kaoru's hair. "So, say it slow, what happened?"

Kaoru took a shaky breath, starting to speak slowly, but speeding up as he went along. "I'm sorry. It's stupid to be crying. It's so stupid, but I...I told Hikaru that you're gay, because he got all angry about me keeping secrets. I..I shouldn't have dragged you into it, but I was just so nervous. I thought that it would get him off of my back until I sorted my feelings out, but instead he got so jealous." Kaoru stopped to breathe again. "He...he accused you of trying to steal me away. He said that I was like...like Little Red Riding Hood," Kaoru chuckled.

Tamaki smiled, looking down at his classmate. "Does that make me the wolf?"

Kaoru laughed a little harder, looking up at his elder. "It all just made me realize...that I can't put off telling him anymore. I really can't, but I really want to. And it isn't because I don't want you, it's just...I'm not sure if I'm done wanting him. I'm not sure how to tell him. I don't think he'll understand. And at the same time, we've really been so far apart lately that it feels like it's right."

Tamaki kissed him chastely. "I know it's hard. If you want me to be there with you, I'll do it. And honestly, I...I can't wait for you to be mine. _Only_ mine."

The redhead didn't know how to respond, opting only to kiss Tamaki, putting his arms around his neck and pulling him close. Tamaki's tongue found its way into Kaoru's mouth as he pushed Kaoru back down onto the couch. They kissed wantonly as hands started to grab at clothing, tugging away fabric. Kaoru had undone Tamaki's belt while Tamaki finished unbuttoning Kaoru's shirt when the door opened.

"O-oh." The boys separated instantly at the voice. Tamaki turned to see Haruhi, as Kaoru turned away and started to put his shirt back on. "I-I am really sorry," she said, blushing. "I didn't know anyone was in here."

Tamaki stood, shaking his head and fumbling with his belt. "No, we were just leaving." Kaoru responded by nodding feverishly and picking his blazer up. "If you could just keep this to yourself," he added.

She nodded. "No problem." The boys were making their way out when Hikaru came up behind Haruhi, grinning.

"Haruhi, look what I—Kaoru?" Hikaru's eyes widened when he caught sight of his brother, but Kaoru was more concerned about the little, nondescript plastic bag he had hidden behind his back.

"Hikaru? What are you doing?" Kaoru tried to keep his voice from quivering.

Hikaru answered defensively. "I should ask you the same thing. I thought I told you to stay away from _that guy_." His eyes narrowed when he looked at Tamaki. "What the hell are you doing with my brother?"

"N-nothing," Tamaki smiled nervously. "We were just having a chat."

Hikaru frowned. "I don't want you hanging around him alone. I don't want you doing anything gross to him."

"Hikaru!" Kaoru hissed in warning.

Tamaki's smile turned mischievous. "I haven't done anything that you haven't."

Hikaru's fists clenched. "I should fuck you up for that."

"If you weren't too busy fucking someone else. Oops, I meant fucking up."

Kaoru trembled. "Stop."

Haruhi took a step back from Hikaru, looking at him imploringly. "What's going on here?"

Hikaru had to hold back from shouting. "This f—this fucker is trying to mess with my brother."

"Oh?" Tamaki took a step forward. "This what? Say what you mean. Say fag. It takes one to know one."

"Shut up!" Hikaru roared, dropping his bag and reaching for Tamaki's neck. Kaoru stepped between them with his arms out, trying to push his twin away.

"No! Don't!" At the last moment, Hikaru stopped himself.

"Why are you defending him?" he shouted. "You can't! You can't love him!"

Kaoru's eyes welled up. "What about you? What are you doing?"

"This isn't about me!"

"Hikaru!" Haruhi grabbed his arm and pulled him to face her. "If Tamaki isn't hurting him, then it isn't your business. If they're just in love, then—"

"It's not _your _business!" He shook her away forcefully. "I am protecting him!"

"No!" Kaoru blinked to stave off tears. "No," he said again, quieter, "you were right the first time. I need protection."

Hikaru smiled softly and reached out to Kaoru with open arms. "See? I'll always be here for you."

Kaoru stepped back, shaking his head. "No, I don't need you to protect me; I need someone to protect me from _you_." He slowly lifted a finger and pointed to Tamaki, who had picked up the plastic bag Hikaru dropped. Hikaru and Haruhi turned around to see that Tamaki was holding up the contents.

"K-Kaoru, I can explain..."

"What the fuck, Hikaru? Were you coming here to fuck her?"

Hikaru's face went white. "Just listen."

Kaoru couldn't hold back the tears. "How long have you been sleeping with her? How long ago did I get put on the back burner?" He swallowed hard. "Was I ever even important to you? Were you ever going to tell her about me? Did you ever say, 'I love you, and by the way, after this I'm going to love the brains out of my brother, too, until he cries himself to sleep.' Were you ever going to tell me? Or were you going to just keep me hanging on, getting the best of both worlds until I rotted away?" Kaoru's whole body shook.

The world stopped for a moment until Haruhi spoke. Her voice was even and low, harsh and cold. "I can't believe you. You treated me like this. You treated your own _brother_ like this. You are disgusting."

Tamaki grated out, "You are a royal son of a bitch. You don't even deserve to be hated. You are the scum of the Earth." He dropped the bag unceremoniously and took Kaoru by the hand, and everyone left until Hikaru stood there alone.


	9. Chapter 9

**Um, I will save you the time and not make any excuses. Yup.**

**I don't own anything.**

**I Never Knew**

**Chapter Nine – Keeping Hanging On**

"Kaoru?" Kaoru had holed up in an empty classroom during lunch time and sat in a desk near the window across from the door, looking out at the bright, sunny day. How dare it be beautiful outside and feel so ugly in his body?

"Kaoru," Hikaru repeated softly from the doorway. His brother didn't move. "Kaoru, look, I—I know that you don't want to listen to what I have to say, and I don't actually deserve the time of day—"

"Hikaru." Kaoru's voice was so empty that it made Hikaru feel frozen from the inside out. "I appreciate you showing your remorse," he continued evenly, "but you're right. Now is probably the worst time. Today, I don't want to hear it. Try again later."

Hikaru nodded and sighed.

"Also, if Tamaki catches you around me, he's going to—"

"What?" Hikaru hissed, his eyes narrowed. He marched right up to Kaoru and leaned over him, their noses almost touching. "What will he do, huh? Do you really think I even care about him?"

Kaoru grimaced. "Fine. Fine. Say what you need to say."

There was a pause, and Hikaru stood up straight with his arms folded over his chest. Sighing, he replied: "No, please; that—that isn't want I want. If...if you need time, then take time. But if you think for _one second_ that I'll be scared of that guy," he spat, "then you've got another think coming."

* * *

"Kaoru. Kaoru?" That was the second time he had heard his name called out a million times. He just wanted everything to stop. It was finally almost the end of the day. All he had to do was survive this last class. And what about the Host Club? How was he supposed to act all lovey-dovey with someone he wanted to punch? He shut his eyes tight for a second and didn't stop walking.

"Kaaaaooooooruuuu. Kaoru. Kaoru? Kaoru!"

"Whaaaaaat?" He stopped and whirled around, irritated.

"Do you want to come over?"

He blinked. "You mean, after the club?"

Tamaki shook his head. "No, I talked to Kyouya. We've canceled it, saying something about a sickness running through the group. I figured it would be best, on account of half us not wanting to breathe the same air as your brother, and the other half being completely clueless and hopefully staying that way." Tamaki put a hand on Kaoru's shoulder. "And I thought that maybe...maybe you'd like to spend some time with me? Or at least, avoid him for a little while."

Kaoru shrugged. "I don't know if I'm in the mood to mess around, but I could definitely use a break from Hikaru." Tamaki winced at the way he said Hikaru's name. He expected more malice, or anger, but he still seemed to harbor affection there; more than Tamaki was really comfortable with.

"All right. Meet me after class, then."

* * *

Kaoru liked kissing Tamaki. Was it the way his lips pressed against his own, both gently and urgently? Was it how their teeth clashed a little when they desperately needed to feel more of each other, their tongues searching and exploring? What about the feeling of Tamaki's fingertips, warm against his cold skin, ghosting over his flesh? It didn't matter. Kaoru loved kissing Tamaki.

That didn't mean it felt right, though.

"T-Tamaki," Kaoru gasped as his elder's lips met his neck and sucked delightfully.

"Hmm?"

"A-aah, um, as nice as this – this is, I think we should stop..."

Tamaki sat up on the couch and laughed nervously. "That's funny...I was hoping you'd ask me to go to my bedroom."

Kaoru blushed, also sitting up. Being pushed against the arm of the couch (which was obviously made with appearance in mind, and not comfort) made his back hurt, and he winced just the slightest bit. "It's not...it's not that I don't _want _to, but..."

"I get it." The blond turned his head and he put a hand to his cheek, then rubbed it up and back to his neck. "You're not ready, yet."

Kaoru nodded, biting his lower lip. "I just feel like...like maybe it's too soon?" He fidgeted.

Tamaki cocked his head to the side, like a dog, and turned back over to the redhead. "Too soon? You were getting pretty into it this morning..."

Kaoru averted his gaze. "I mean, this whole thing with Hikaru; it's not quite clear yet, and—"

"Wait, wait. That's what this is about? Because that seems pretty clear to me, Kaoru. He _cheated_ on you, with a girl! And you—you were cheating on him _with me_! I think the whole thing is very, _very _clear!" By the end, Tamaki was nearly screaming in frustration.

Kaoru paused. Suddenly, everything _did _seem very clear. "Tamaki, I...I can't do this." His voice was low.

"I can understand you not being ready to be with me, but I can't understand that the reason is _him_," Tamaki said, lowering his voice. Yelling wouldn't solve anything. "I mean, hasn't he done enough?"

"Don't you see? I can't blame him for what he did; I did the same!" Kaoru rambled, almost excitedly. "That doesn't mean I'm not hurt, but it means that I have to reassess my situation with him. I mean, I just, it's that he needs to know for sure what I've been doing with you to make this right again."

"Why? Why does it have to be right again? Why can't you just...just let him go?" Tamaki's voice was pained.

"He's my brother," Kaoru replied softly. "I can't just stop feeling for him."

Tamaki's expression got screwed up into something ugly, something hurt. He grabbed Kaoru's shoulders and shook him, not roughly. "Are you even listening to yourself? He's your brother; you shouldn't be _feeling_ at all!"

There was a pregnant pause, and both boys seemed to hear the statement ringing in their ears. It sank deep into Kaoru, and Tamaki felt guilt at what he'd done.

"So...so that's it?" Kaoru's eyes watered, and he smiled sadly at Tamaki, stroking his face. "That's how you really feel?"

"Kaoru..." Tamaki whispered, but didn't know what to say. He didn't regret the statement; only that he had said it out loud. Instead, he took the younger boy's face in his hands.

"Don't...don't do this to me, please." Kaoru's lip trembled. "I've lost Hikaru, and I...I would die if I lost you, too. So...so please?"

Tamaki's breath caught in his throat as he tried to exhale. "I didn't mean to—to make you cry."

Kaoru nodded again. "But, you meant what you said." He turned his face away, just the slightest bit, but to the elder boy, it felt like he had walked out of the room, the house, the country, the planet. It didn't matter what happened next. Kaoru was not there anymore.

"Let me take you home, Kaoru."


	10. Everyone will hate me now

**I don't own Ouran!**

**I Never Knew**

**Chapter Ten - Slipping Back Again**

"I'm sorry," Kaoru whispered, averting his eyes.

"You don't...you don't have to apologize. I shouldn't have assumed that it would be okay for me to treat you that way. I should have been more sensitive to your feelings," Tamaki said softly, leaning with his back against the car, standing in front of the Hitachiin house.

"No, I...I'm not acting in anyone's best interest. I don't know what I'm doing right now."

Tamaki stepped forward and put his arms around the red-head. "You'll figure it out." The words tasted awful in his mouth. He didn't want to say any of that. He didn't understand why it was even an issue, beside the fact that Kaoru was hurt.

Kaoru nodded and smiled slightly. "Thank you."

Tamaki tried to smile back, but bit his lip nervously. Before he could tell himself it was a bad idea, he was pressing his lips softly to Kaoru's, and the feeling made him ache inside. He'd been waiting for Kaoru for so long, and after nearly having him...he wasn't going to let go. It didn't matter who he had to fight for this boy's affections; he would do it.

The kiss ended before it really started, and still it managed to take his breath away. Kaoru's heart stopped. The world was spinning. He couldn't let Tamaki pull away; not yet. Their lips moved against each other slowly, chastely; it was not one of passion or desire, but one of longing and pain. And when they finally separated, both of their cheeks were pink and wet; both of them were sure his own tears stained the other.

* * *

After closing the door, sinking to the floor, and letting himself cry with his head to his knees, Kaoru finally brought himself to trudge up the stairs. At the sight of his twin in his bedroom, Kaoru was both unsurprised and unsettled.

But as his mouth opened, Hikaru said, "I'm just grabbing my shit, so don't get your panties in a twist."

Indeed, it appeared that the older twin was indeed gathering things on the desk, staring straight ahead out of a window that overlooked the driveway. He had changed into black skinny jeans and a black shirt with white horizontal stripes on the long sleeves, which hung loosely on his frame, revealing in part his shoulders.

_Grabbing stuff while wearing my clothes..._ Kaoru thought: _this isn't exactly how I imagined our break-up to be._

"I—I really wasn't going to say anything..." Kaoru replied, almost amused. He wasn't sure how to feel. He was sure his brother wasn't either.

Hikaru's movements stopped and his head dropped down to his chest. "Look, I...I saw you. Before. Getting out of _that guy's_ car." There was a pause, and Kaoru wondered if he had heard Hikaru whimper, or if it was his imagination. "Were you going to say anything about that?"

Kaoru thought about it honestly. "I wasn't going to keep it from you." _Although, I hoped you wouldn't have seen us kissing in the driveway..._

"Tell me. Did you...?" Hikaru trailed off, his hands balled up into tight fists on the edge of the desk, standing stiffly.

Kaoru sighed tiredly. "Aren't you afraid of the answer?"

There was another long pause.

"Kao...Kaoru." Saying the name, his voice wavered. The elder turned around. "Be honest. Did that guy fuck you?" Here, his voice was strong and steady, and for a moment, Kaoru was frightened. His brother's eyes were glassy and rimmed with red, but his face held an expression of rage, which, met with an affirmative response, would surely have been unleashed, unbridled.

But: "No."

Hikaru breathed an audible sigh of relief. His entire body started to collapse onto itself, like letting a marionette go slack—

"Now, wait." Hikaru snapped back up to attention, conspicuously wary. "That doesn't mean I didn't want to—" Kaoru saw the anger flare up "—but, I honestly couldn't go through with it. Not when...not when you and I are like this."

Hikaru nodded, defeated, and his shoulders sank again. Not as relaxed, but not alarmed. "Look, I'm just going to take my things and...I think it's better for the both of us if we stay alone for a while."

Kaoru closed his eyes. "All right."

* * *

"Hikaru?" Kaoru called quietly, timidly from the doorway of his brother's previously abandoned bedroom. He fidgeted with the hem of his white tank top and kicked his foot inside the soft fabric that pooled at his feet from the bottom of his too-long blue sweatpants.

"Hn." The uninterested grunt came from the bed, under the blanket, face in the pillow. How could he not be suffocating in the musty, dusty room?

"Are you going to stay in here all night?" The sound of concern in that tone of voice stung.

Hikaru rolled over to face his brother. They could see each other only by the moonlight, but Kaoru could tell that Hikaru wasn't wearing a shirt. "I didn't think you wanted me to come back."

Kaoru shrugged and took a step into the room, rubbing his arm nervously. The room was cold with the windows open, presumably to air out and freshen the place up. "I never said you had to leave. You did it on your own."

Hikaru scoffed. "I doubt that if you're kissing him like that in front of our house, you're really interested in sleeping beside me anymore."

Kaoru rolled his eyes and folded his arms over his chest. "You didn't hesitate in fucking me after coming home from being with _her._" He was bitter. Not angry.

Hikaru glared at him for a few moments before deciding to let it go, and his eyes softened. "I don't want to fight." The pillow found its way back over his face.

"Come here." Low; demanding. Not harsh.

"No." Muffled again, through the pillow. Tired. Hikaru had no energy left to fight with, although the fire threatened to reignite; the ashes were warm in his heart.

"Then I'm coming over there." Hikaru didn't respond to that, but instead wiggled over to make room for his brother on the bed.

Kaoru hissed as his bare feet padded across the cold floor, the length of his pants doing nothing to aid him. _You'd think I wouldn't deal with this problem. I'm tall...!_ He sat on the edge of the bed with his arms still crossed, but turned his head to see the other.

Hikaru rolled over again and slowly wrapped his arms around his brother's waist. "You're cold. Come under here with me."

Kaoru shook his head vigorously. "I think that's a bad idea."

"Why?" Hikaru muttered into the small of Kaoru's back. Kaoru shuddered at the warmth of his breath.

"I don't think it will end well."

"I want you," Hikaru stated quite simply.

"That's why this is bad." Kaoru could feel his body trembling, as if his bones were trying to rattle against each other. It felt like he was quite literally falling apart.

"Don't you want me, too?" Low, but not quietly spoken. Deliberate, pointed with intent, dripping with desire.

Kaoru bit his lip, shut his eyes tightly, squeezed his upper arms just above the elbows, and then whispered: "more than anything."

* * *

_Dear Diary,_

_It's been a while. Too long. You've missed a lot. It's my fault. I should have consulted you. I should have said something. Instead..._

_I made a mistake._

_It was surreal. I wasn't sure if I was awake, or dreaming. Each touch was barely there. Our fingers ghosted over each other's skin, our breathing was shallow. I felt the anxiety creep from my heart into my lungs. I shut my eyes, and suddenly, he was inside of me, and I knew that I wasn't dreaming. _

_Fuck. What have I done?_

_Each almost-touch of his fingers left a fiery tendril, and all of them constricted me. I couldn't move an inch of my body. It worked on its own. My stomach turned. I didn't know what else to do but cry. But my body is greedy. It wouldn't stop reacting to sensation. It wouldn't push him away, it wouldn't scream for help. I couldn't stop him!_

_I fucked my twin brother! My own flesh and blood. Why...why didn't I notice before? Why did I fall into this in the first place? I used to think he could save me. I used to ache for his touch. Now I ache from it. Now I need saving._

_I felt trapped. I hated how much I loved releasing into his hands. The way it felt when he finished in me. When he smiled and wiped away my tears and told me he loved me. That he was sorry he'd ever taken me for granted, and sorry that he ever thought that touching anyone else would ever compare to this. That being twins made us half of what we could be, and that being lovers made us whole. That he never wanted to cause me pain again. _

_I want more than anything to believe everything he says to me. Because I feel the same way. _

_And that feels so wrong._

_Kaoru._


	11. Chapter 11

**I don't own anything! Also, I should get awesome reviews, because I've been updating so often. It keeps me motivated! I did directly quote some stuff from chapter 51 of the manga in here, so...brownie points to whoever knows I did that? Haha.**

**This chapter is super long, so you should love me!**

**I Never Knew**

**Chapter Eleven**

It had raining intermittently all week, but this night was probably the worst. In fact, Honey briefly wondered how Haruhi was dealing with the thunder...

The Host Club had been canceled for the week, but no one knew why. Kyouya had said, "this week, the Host Club will be canceled," so that was enough. It had been two or three days since he'd seen anyone beside Takashi.

"Ahh, what's going on?" Honey pouted and looked at Usa-chan. "I miss my friends...but I have you, ne, Usa-chan?" He pressed the doll to his chest tightly when he heard the doorbell ring. "Huh? Isn't it late already?" Honey got up and went to the door, pink rabbit in hand, and was surprised to see who was standing there in the rain.

"Kao-chan? Is everything all right?"

**Earlier that evening...**

Mori sighed, closed his eyes, and wiped his brow of sweat, standing with his bokutou down at his side. Kendo had always been one of his great loves.

"Mori-senpai...?"

"Hm?" He had to admit, he had been caught off guard. "Hikaru?"

"S-sorry to bother you. I know you're practicing, but..." Hikaru wouldn't look at Mori, a fact which the elder found intriguing.

"Are you all right? Where is Kaoru?"

Hikaru rubbed his arm nervously, still not looking at the other. After a long pause, he said: "Am I a real idiot? Am I a bigger fool than King?"

Mori stared at the red head for some time before answering. "Maybe."

**Earlier that day...**

Kaoru was sure this was the first time he'd seen Tamaki cry. "Tamaki, I—"

"Stop—stop, don't say that right now. I can't." The blond gritted his teeth and turned away.

"Wait. Please. You can't what? You can't—you can't do this anymore?" Kaoru thought he might die. It hurt just to exist. He reached out to touch Tamaki, but his hand was slapped away.

"Not now!" Tamaki stood up with his face in his hands. "I don't want to hear you say my name that way. I can't look at you. I can't breathe. I need to leave." He started to walk out, even dressed as he was.

Kaoru was gasping for air, and his hand clutched the fabric of his shirt that lay over his heart. "This isn't it. Tell me this isn't it!"

Tamaki stopped at the door, and without turning around, said: "I don't know anything anymore."

**Let's start with that morning:**

"Kaoru? Are you all right?"

Kaoru winced as he wiped vomit from his mouth with his bare forearm. "I—I'm not going to school today!" He felt sick to his stomach. Everything hurt.

Hikaru bit his lip nervously, standing with his face pressed against the bathroom door. "Well, should I stay home with you?"

"No! No, that's fine." Kaoru shut his eyes and held himself to keep from trembling. "I don't want to give you whatever this is."

Hikaru hesitated. "Well...okay...but call me as soon as you think you need me!"

It didn't sit right with him, but Hikaru wasn't about to start fighting with his brother over something small. He was determined to have a good day. It looked like he and Kaoru might actually work things out...but of course, his day was just as determined to thwart his plans. The first person he ran into was none other than Tamaki, who gave him the most chilling, evil glare he'd ever seen (even after enduring some of the Shadow King's wrath), and shortly after he walked into the classroom to see Haruhi. Honestly, he'd forgotten he was fighting with her. Kaoru and Tamaki were the ones plaguing him, not her. But at least...

Hikaru cleared his throat softly. "Uh, Haruhi."

Death glare.

"Well, you probably don't care what I have to say."

Still, death glare.

"Anyway, I wanted to apologize. I...I did something horrible to you, and I..." Hikaru couldn't bear to look at her for much longer. "I really mean that I'm sorry. I don't expect you to forgive me, or take me back or anything. I just needed you to know that I'm not proud of myself or anything. I'm really a terrible person..."

Hikaru stared at the floor for a while before he heard the girl respond. "I'm not ready to forgive you yet. And I'm definitely not taking you back," she said roughly, "but maybe...maybe we could be friends again. Some day. Not now." Hikaru nodded, still not looking up at her. She sighed. "You...you're not a terrible person. You've just done some terrible things. So, chin up. The fact that you're bothering to try, even with the risk of being completely turned down...well, that shows something."

Hikaru looked up. Haruhi was still obviously angry, but her look had softened. Just the slightest bit.

"Well...I'm ready to work on it whenever you are." She nodded curtly in response before turning around to talk to some other students before class started.

From there, the day slowly started to get better. Obviously, that wasn't allowed to happen, so Tamaki showed up in Hikaru's day once more, during lunch.

"Where is he, you devil?" Tamaki looked foolish: his hair was slightly disheveled and his face was pink. He was a little short of breath (from being angry, or did he run here? It occurred to the twin that he'd only seen the other male this angry once before) and he'd slammed one hand down on the table with the other one resting on the hip that was cocked out to the side. Quite foolish, indeed.

"Huh? What in the world could you possibly want now?" Hikaru gritted his teeth. "I have no desire to speak to you at all, _Boss_."

Tamaki scoffed. "As if it makes my day to see you. But this isn't about that. Look, where is your brother?"

Hikaru narrowed his eyes. "Why should I tell you? It's not as if you need to know." He leaned back in his chair coolly. "In any case, he's home, sick."

Tamaki's shoulders relaxed a little, and Hikaru wondered why. Sick is bad news, right? "Sick? How sick?"

"How should I know? Go see him yourself!" _What are you saying? Don't let that guy into your house, dumbass!_

Tamaki stood up straight. "Fine." The blond marched out of the room purposefully, intending to head straight to the twins' residence. He stopped in the middle of the hallway. _Shouldn't I come up with an excuse to leave?_ He decided to just let whatever would happen, happen, and continued without stopping to visit the younger twin.

* * *

"Hello?" Kaoru opened the front door and wasn't sure how to feel when he saw Tamaki standing there.

Tamaki also wasn't sure how to feel. Part of him was relieved at the sight of the boy in black gym shorts and a pale yellow sweatshirt-tank top (a fashion invention he didn't want to understand), with his hair a little matted and a sheen to his skin, presumably from sweat. The other part was concerned.

"You're sick. Why are you up and about? Shouldn't you be resting?"

Kaoru smiled softly. "Exercise is good for the body."

Tamaki blushed. "Not when you're sick, it isn't! Shouldn't you be in bed?"

Kaoru laughed with his hand over his mouth. "Come in."

Tamaki ushered Kaoru over to the couch, where he noticed the exercise video still playing. "Are you just playing sick today?"

"Not exactly. But if you came to nurse me, I can play sick more often."

Tamaki turned off the TV. "Well, this is the Kaoru I've come to love. This sort of thing I've missed about you."

"What do you mean?" Tamaki plopped onto the couch and Kaoru scooted closer to him, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"I mean...it's just that things have been sort of screwed up and emotional lately. I fell in love with the carefree, mischievous you, which hasn't been out much lately. Not to say that I don't love all of you, but..."

Kaoru laughed again. "I get it, so don't worry. Were you really worried about me? I didn't think you'd want to see me again for a while."

Tamaki made a face. "Of course I want to see you. All the time. Just because we had a fight doesn't mean I don't still feel the same. It's just something we have to get through. Ostracizing myself does nothing."

"I missed school today, so let's use some plain language, ne?"

Tamaki smirked. "I didn't think that distance would fix that. I think that if I can just show you how I feel—wouldn't that be better?" He slid an arm around Kaoru's waist and pulled him closer, who in turn wrapped his arms around the elder's shoulders.

"I think I'd like that." Kaoru didn't hesitate in kissing the other boy, and it felt like electricity. Their tongues moved languidly against each other and Kaoru sighed into the warm, comfortable feeling it gave him. When they parted, he was smiling dreamily. "Look, my mother is home...we should go for a walk in the garden."

Tamaki replied, a little dazed, "sure, o-okay."

* * *

The boys were quiet for a long while as they walked amongst the flowers and plants. It was a comfortable silence between the two, and they strolled slowly, hand in hand, listening to the birds and insects chirping and humming.

"Senpai, did you run here straight from school to check on me?" Kaoru said smugly.

"Honestly, yes. I don't know why I thought that was a good idea. I just thought, 'Kaoru needs someone to take care of him, and it should be me,' so I came." Their arms swung just a little with Tamaki's nervousness.

Kaoru smiled handsomely, squeezing the hand whose fingers were laced softly with his own. "You didn't have to do that. I wasn't doing well this morning, but it passed quickly enough."

"Well...good." After a beat, Tamaki started to laugh, and Kaoru followed suit.

"Hey, let's go in there."

"In your tool shed?"

Kaoru chuckled, "it isn't as bad as it sounds. I used to play in there when I was a kid."

"All right."

Although light shone in from two little windows and in the places where the wood didn't quite fit together right, it was dim in the shed, and warm. "Tamaki," Kaoru said lowly, putting his hands on Tamaki's chest. Tamaki's breath caught in his throat and he put his arms around Kaoru's waist, holding him away from his body.

"Kaoru," Tamaki started, and he had to clear the thickness from his voice before continuing, "I've wanted you so badly, for so long."

"Hm...you have me now, Senpai," Kaoru breathed into Tamaki's ear, pulling himself closer so that their bodies were flush with each other, and the heat of Kaoru's breath made Tamaki shiver. He was already getting hard. "What do you want to do with me?" Kaoru asked in a sultry tone, pushing the blue school blazer off of the older boy's shoulders.

"Everything," Tamaki replied lowly, letting the jacket fall to the floor. It was strange and exciting to have Kaoru act this way.

"Oh? Tell me more." Kaoru started to loosen the tie around Tamaki's neck and unbuttoned the first couple buttons around the collar, where Tamaki was surely feeling warm.

"Wha...um, well...I want to—I want to kiss you. I want to feel your tongue with mine, and I want to kiss you so much that it makes your lips bruised and you can't take it anymore."

"Oh, I'd like that too. Are you going to make me yours?" Kaoru smirked, pulling Tamaki's shirt out from where he'd haphazardly tucked it in that morning.

Tamaki licked his lips. His mouth had started to feel dry, from the heat of the shed and from his own arousal. _What the hell, Kaoru? When did you learn to be like this?_ "I'm going to erase any trace that anyone else has ever touched you. I'm going to do it until you only remember me." It was getting harder to think, to breathe, to speak, to do anything other than moan incoherently.

"Senpai..." Kaoru blushed genuinely. "What about this? Do you want this?" Kaoru asked as he started to undo Tamaki's belt and sank to the floor, on his knees.

"Kaoru..." The rawness of that voice made heat pool in Kaoru's abdomen. "I want you, Kaoru," he repeated, treading his fingers through the red-head's silky hair.

Kaoru felt his face heat up as he pulled Tamaki's member out of his underwear. He'd received this sort of thing, but had never given it. His mouth was a little dry from being nervous, and he had to lick his lips a couple times before placing them to the tip of Tamaki's manhood, eliciting a small moan from him. Taking that sound as encouragement, he grasped it at the base with one hand and guided it into his mouth, his other hand fondling Tamaki's balls.

"K-Kaoru...ahh..."

It became easier to slide the length in and out of his mouth as he continued and the saliva built up in his mouth. It was all Tamaki could do to keep still and not choke the younger boy. He never knew it could feel that good—it was warm, and wet, and Kaoru's inexperience with the action was not a turn-off. He liked the way the rhythm wasn't always steady, and how sometimes Kaoru would accidentally nick him a little with his teeth, and the way he'd get nervous or overwhelmed and moan or whimper around his cock. It was all erotic and pleasurable, and Tamaki's body started to feel unbearably hot. He was still in his clothes, and he didn't want to be at all.

"Kaoru..." It took all three of his remaining brain cells to get words out. "Wait...hold on."

Kaoru didn't want to stop. He liked how much Tamaki seemed to be enjoying it, and it honestly wasn't a bad feeling to have that in his mouth. Instead, Kaoru decided to make it more intense, and relaxed his throat so he could take it in deeper. When he felt comfortable with that feeling, he started to suck harder and go slower. His one hand continued to touch Tamaki's balls and the other one rested on his hip, so that he wouldn't buck too hard and choke him.

Tamaki's knees felt weak and his legs were turning to jelly. _I said 'stop,' right? Not 'make it even better?' _ But he didn't have the energy to complain. He was losing control, and it was definitely the best feeling of his life. The slow strokes were beautiful torture. The way Kaoru took him in entirely, and how he increased the pressure around the shaft, and oh!—where did he learn to use his tongue like that? Dragging it on the underside from base to tip, and flicking around with enough pressure just to tease and make him want more, and prodding the slit and lapping up the precum sensually and driving him crazy and pushing to the edge and everything went white—

"Kaoru!"

Tamaki staggered a bit, but Kaoru managed to hold him up and continue to suck him through his orgasm. He had to admit, he was impressed with the red-head. Thoroughly. Finally, Kaoru let the softening member leave his mouth with a small, slick pop, and licked his lips, blushing viciously. Tamaki leaned against something—some stacked planters?—to keep himself up, and somehow found the strength to open his eyes. Kaoru stood slowly, his face red (the heat in Tamaki's own face reminded him that he was pretty flushed, as well) from arousal and embarrassment. "Do..." he panted, "do you need to spit it out, or something?"

Kaoru averted his gaze and shook his head. "No, I already swallowed it. It's _you_, so I don't mind..."

Tamaki nodded, and reached out to hold Kaoru when he felt like he could stand straight enough again. "What about you? Do you want that?"

Kaoru would be lying if he said he wasn't ready and raring to go. Every little mewl, moan, and hitch in Tamaki's breath sent sparks to his lower regions, and he wanted nothing more than to strip and ride Tamaki until the cows came home, and then some. They were healthy young men; it wouldn't take Tamaki that long to get it back up, but the nagging voice in the back of his head started to become louder as the fog of desire slowly lifted.

"That's okay. I'm fine."

"Eh? But Kaoru," Tamaki said, pulling him close, "I can feel that you want it...or is it that you don't want our first time to be in a tool shed? Be-because," Tamaki blushed, "I can make it hard again..."

Kaoru shook his head feverishly. "Really, I don't think it's worth all that trouble. I'm pretty close already."

"Then, I'll just touch you some," Tamaki replied, nuzzling into Kaoru's neck, enjoying the musky scent as he pushed his fingers under the hem of the gym shorts. Kaoru grabbed Tamaki's hand and pulled away.

"No, wait. Just wait." His eyes were shut tight.

"Kaoru? It's okay, just relax." He pushed Kaoru up against the wall of the shed and slipped his hand into Kaoru's underwear. Kaoru lost all of his will to fight as Tamaki's warm, soft hand grasped him. Kaoru moaned softly into Tamaki's shoulder. Tamaki was very good with his hands; his fingers were long and slender and dexterous from playing the piano, and he knew just how to use them. His other hand was pressed against the small of his back, and it started to fondle his bottom before the fingers rubbed the rim of his entrance gently. Kaoru's entire body shuddered, and he buried his face in his hands to hide the blush and stifle the moans.

"Kaoru," Tamaki whispered, "Kaoru, I want to hear you. I want to see your face when you climax."

"N-no," Kaoru whimpered, "it's too embarrassing."

"It's only me."

"No, it's _because_ it's you, that I don't want you to see me like that."

Tamaki chuckled. "Please? I want to see it."

After a pause, Kaoru took his hands away from his head and leaned his head back against the wall instead of into Tamaki's chest so that his face was visible and the sounds from his mouth were clear. Tamaki smiled, and Kaoru thought he would melt when he saw it. "That wasn't hard, right?"

"A-ah, senpai...nnn—oh!"

"It's okay, Kaoru. Don't hold back."

"T-tah—ah! Tamaki!"

Tamaki blushed at the sound of his name. Not a nickname, no honorific, just his name, plain and simple, deliciously spilling from his love's lips. He held him close so that he wouldn't fall as he came down from his climax, and Kaoru sighed, his eyes a little watery. He was too nervous to look at Tamaki's face.

"Here," Kaoru said quietly, reaching into the front pouch pocket of his sweatshirt tank top and pulling out a handkerchief. "I use it to wipe my face when I work out, but you can use it to clean that up."

"Are you sure?" Kaoru nodded slowly.

"Yeah. It's not like I need to exercise now," Kaoru joked.

"Heh. Yeah," Tamaki replied, wiping up the mess. The two caught their breaths, and while Kaoru wouldn't look at Tamaki, Tamaki couldn't stop looking at Kaoru. "Kaoru...could I, um, could we just kiss for a bit? I just still need to feel you."

Kaoru bit his lip and nodded. Tamaki moved in slowly, and from the second their lips touched, he felt all of the love that Tamaki had been holding in flood into his body, increasing the guilt and pain he held in his heart. The kiss was slow, and long, and deep, and passionate, and he let himself be overcome by it. Their tongues didn't fight, they danced a waltz, and it was bittersweet. Tamaki also thought of all the hurt feelings he'd been harboring. Trying to convince Kaoru that he really loved him, not like the other who had used him, and wanting to have that love in return, and coming so close just to lose it again, and it was just like the kiss in the rain. They both let some tears fall, and it was almost healing in itself. They had things to work out, but Tamaki was sure that it would work out well. How could it not?

They finally separated to breathe, and Tamaki smiled. "Kaoru, you're so beautiful...can I touch you a little more?"

Kaoru grabbed the hem of his pants. "I don't know if that's a good idea."

"Not there, just here," Tamaki said, pushing his hands underneath Kaoru's top and relishing the smooth skin stretched over his torso.

"I guess," Kaoru muttered, turning his face. He felt dirty.

Tamaki pushed it up just enough to reveal his bellybutton, flicking his tongue into it, and then up a little more, and then his hands pushed up to touch Kaoru's nipples delightfully. Kaoru squirmed. "If you make it too good, I'll get hard again," he whined.

"That's okay, isn't it?" Tamaki looked up at Kaoru's face for a second before looking back down to continue his ministrations when he stopped in his tracks. "Kaoru...Kaoru, what is that?" His fingers slid over a mark on one of Kaoru's pecs.

"Um," Kaoru stuttered.

"Another one," Tamaki noted, "here, further up..." His eyes widened and he looked back up at Kaoru. Kaoru couldn't bear to see the look in Tamaki's eyes, but he wasn't stupid enough to avoid his gaze.

"Tamaki," he whimpered.

"Are these...are these..." Kaoru nodded. "...love bites?" Tamaki finished incredulously. He recoiled like he was disgusted, and the shirt fell back down a little over Kaoru's chest.

"I—I'm so sorry," Kaoru gasped, starting to cry. "I meant to tell you, I really did—but then, we got carried away, and—and—" Kaoru reached a hand out, but Tamaki took a step back and pointed his finger out at him.

"Kaoru, don't make excuses." Tamaki's voice cracked. "Just tell me what happened."

Kaoru grabbed his hair in frustration. "I—I screwed up! Last night, after you left—and he was being so nice to me, and I don't know what's wrong with me, and I just—I just—I don't know, I don't know!"

"Did you fuck him?" Tamaki shouted, and Kaoru started to wail.

"Yes! Yes, and I'm so sorry! I've never regretted anything more in my life! Because when—when he touches me, I hate it, and it feels so awful and—ahh, it makes me sick! It made me physically ill! So much that I was actually vomiting this morning. Oh, fuck, what have I done? And when you came, I—I knew I had to tell you, but being with you just feels so good that I didn't want to ruin it yet, because the way you make me feel—oh, no, oh no, oh no, oh no—"

"Kaoru, Kaoru, just stop!" Tamaki almost reached out to comfort him, but it was difficult. He had felt a twinge of fiendish delight at the fact that being with Hikaru had that sort of effect on him, and that he himself was very much the opposite—but no, this wasn't okay.

This was not okay.

Kaoru bit his lip, but it didn't stop him from blubbering like an idiot. He was sure this was the first time he'd seen Tamaki cry. "Tamaki, I—"

"Stop—stop, don't say that right now. I can't." The blond gritted his teeth and turned away.

"Wait. Please. You can't what? You can't—you can't do this anymore?" Kaoru thought he might die. It hurt just to exist. He reached out to touch Tamaki, but his hand was slapped away.

"Not now!" Tamaki stood up with his face in his hands. "I don't want to hear you say my name that way. I can't look at you. I can't breathe. I need to leave." He started to walk out, even dressed as he was.

Kaoru was gasping for air, and his hand clutched the fabric of his shirt that lay over his heart. "This isn't it. Tell me this isn't it!"

Tamaki stopped at the door, and without turning around, said: "I don't know anything anymore."

* * *

When Hikaru arrived at home after school_,_ he was tired, and eager to see his brother. "Kaoooruuu!" he called up the stairs, "are you feeling any better? Should I make you some...soup...Kaoru, what happened to you?" He saw Kaoru's feet peeking out from under the desk, which meant that he was distraught and in the fetal position, and was kicked into "protective older brother" mode.

"Kaoru. Kaoru? Come on, you have to talk to me." The only response he got was a loud, strangled cry. "Come out from under there. I just want to talk—"

"I don't want to talk, right now! I just want to be alone!" Hikaru hesitated before crawling underneath the desk to join Kaoru. "What are you doing," he cried, "there isn't enough room here!"

"Shh," Hikaru responded, wrapping an arm around his brother. "It's okay. I'm here now."

"Nngh," Kaoru sniffled, wiping his nose on his sleeve. "I don't—I don't need you, Hi-Hikaru."

Hikaru blinked. "Kaoru, what happened?"

Kaoru pushed his brother weakly, to no avail. "Just go. Everything's ruined."

"No; no, it isn't." Hikaru took Kaoru's head in his hands. "Whatever happened, whatever _happens,_ that doesn't matter. I'm here."

Kaoru opened his eyes and looked up. His eyes were glassy; his cheeks were pink; the tears clung to his eyelashes prettily; his hair was mussed from where he had grabbed at it. Hikaru couldn't help himself, and pressed his lips to Kaoru's. For a moment, it was like the world was in slow motion. Kaoru tilted his head instinctively; his hands, trembling, took a hold of Hikaru's shirt by the collar. Hikaru pressed his body closer to his brother, hungry for his touch, and traced the top of his tongue along the side of Kaoru's up the underside, along his teeth and the roof of his mouth, enjoying the warm, smooth feeling of it.

Kaoru imagined those words coming from someone else. Those hands, those lips, that feeling of bliss...in his mind, it was Tamaki. The warm, slick tongue in his mouth was Tamaki, trying to taste him; the cool hands that went from his face to his hair to his neck to his hips. The only thing he wanted, _needed,_ was Tamaki. But it suddenly hit him that this wasn't Tamaki.

They separated for a moment, and when Hikaru went in for another kiss, Kaoru held him back. "N-no. I said it already. I'll say this now. Hikaru, I want to be with Tamaki. And that's it."

Hikaru was too stunned to stop Kaoru from leaving.

After sitting there for what felt like an eternity, it finally sank in.

Maybe he'd really ruined things with Kaoru, even if he wasn't sure what went wrong between his attempt at reconciliation the night before, and now.

Hikaru went to the only person he knew would talk to him. He rubbed his arm nervously, still not looking at the other. After a long pause, he said: "Am I a real idiot? Am I a bigger fool than King?"

Mori stared at the red head for some time before answering. "Maybe."

Hikaru was admittedly surprised, but Mori had no reason to not be entirely truthful. "Well...what should I do? What do you do when you hurt the person you love the most?"

"Hm..."

"What would you do if you hurt Honey-senpai?"

"That's easy. I wouldn't," Mori replied sincerely.

Hikaru cocked his head to the side. "What do you mean? What if it happened anyway, by accident?"

"Then I guess I would do everything I could think of until he forgave me."

"What if you run out of things to think of?"

"Then you aren't thinking hard enough." Hikaru was frustrated. "Hikaru," Mori said, sitting himself on the floor, cross-legged, "join me. Meditate. If it's meant to be, you'll figure it out."

After a moment, Hikaru decided he had nothing more to lose and sat on the floor.

* * *

Kaoru had run. And run. And run. And run, until his legs gave way from underneath and he collapsed onto the ground. The sun was setting, and it was starting to drizzle. "What do I do?" he asked no one. There were kids playing in the nearby soccer field, and he was jealous of their laughter and mirth. A car went by. Beside that, he was alone. No one was out walking by the bridge or the park or anything. Alone.

Kaoru looked around and realized the neighborhood was almost familiar. With his terrible sense of direction, it had gotten dark and the rain was hard by the time he arrived, but he'd found it. Honey-senpai's house.

"H-Honey-senpai!" Kaoru cried, "am I stupid? Am I the biggest fool?"

Honey was taken aback. "Kao-chan, it's okay! Calm down!" He tried to be soothing, but he was panicking, and Kaoru cried harder. "L-look, Kao-chan! Here's Usa-chan!" He held out his cherished doll to the crying boy, who looked up and slowly took it into his arms. After Kaoru started to calm down some, he started: "You keep saying 'this person' this, and 'this person' that—but what about Kao-chan's feelings?"

"Huh?" Kaoru squeezed the pink rabbit in his arms.

"What I mean is, maybe you're not thinking enough about yourself? What makes you happy? Forget about all those other things and do what's right for you."

"What's right for me? That's not important."

"Let's not think about Hika-chan or Tama-chan for a second."

"Honey-senpai...how?" Kaoru blushed and sniffled for a moment. "How did you know?"

Honey smiled. "I just know."


	12. Chapter 12

**I don't own Ouran!**

**I Never Knew**

**Chapter Twelve**

Tamaki didn't hate Kaoru.

He didn't even blame him for what he'd done. He understood that things were confusing and difficult for him. He was grateful for the show of regret and repentance he'd put on.

It didn't mean he was motherfucking ready to see him again.

It still hurt, badly, and he still needed time. He assumed that Kaoru still had things to sort out as well. They did a pretty good job of avoiding each other (mainly because they'd had to go out of the way to see each other in the first place).

Hikaru, however, was someone he managed to see every day.

And Tamaki both blamed Hikaru for all of his problems and hated his guts. And maybe that wasn't okay, but it felt fine to him. He needed to believe that it was Hikaru's evil cunning that had kept Kaoru coming back, and not Tamaki's lack of [something] that just couldn't get him to stay. He'd also found it difficult to understand how human beings could treat each other that way—maybe because Hikaru wasn't human, but a devil in disguise. It seemed like he'd at least tricked Haruhi into forgiving him, so that was enough reason to believe that sort of thing.

The Host Club didn't run as smoothly without both twins there. Not that Tamaki ever paid attention to what Hikaru was doing (except for always), but it concerned him that Kaoru didn't ever bother to show up. Was it because he didn't want to see Hikaru, or Tamaki, or both?

Three weeks passed that way, and Tamaki was sick of not seeing Kaoru ever.

"Haruhi!" Tamaki smiled widely. He'd waited outside of Kaoru's classroom, but when he didn't see him leaving, he stopped the girl instead.

"Hi, Senpai." She smiled softly in return.

"I was wondering where Kaoru was."

Haruhi raised and eyebrow. "Didn't you know?"

Tamaki lost his smile. "Did something happen?"

Haruhi shrugged. "Kaoru doesn't go to Ouran anymore."

…

…

Um.

What?

"He...he doesn't...what?"

"I don't really know what happened—Hikaru doesn't really want to talk about it. They don't even like to be in the same room anymore, so maybe it's better. But Kaoru is transferring to an art school in Italy. Apparently he'd wanted to go there all along, instead of Ouran, but something was holding him back. Whatever it was is gone now, so..."

Tamaki wasn't really listening anymore. He thought that maybe he'd died, or that this was a really not funny joke, or a dream that he needed to wake up from.

* * *

Kaoru had lots of time on his hands to do the things he'd always wanted but never got around to. He wasn't going to Ouran, he didn't have to deal with that silly Host Club business, he didn't spend any time with his brother, and Tamaki hadn't contacted him at all. Kaoru knew that Tamaki needed space, so he gave it. After all, he'd said his bit (even though it was only really cheating in principle, because they had never discussed any sort of exclusivity in the first place) and severed completely his relationship with Hikaru. He'd honestly thought that by now, Tamaki would have approached him one way or the other. Knowing that they couldn't be together was better that just waiting...and waiting, and waiting.

So in the time he spent not doing all those silly things that absorbed his life before, Kaoru had taken up some new activities. Namely, exercising. All day.

Maybe not all day. He woke up and went for a run. Then he had breakfast and a shower before his language tutor came. On Mondays they worked on Japanese. Tuesday was for English, and Wednesday was for Italian. Thursday he learned French, and on Fridays he would practice all of them. Saturday and Sunday he was expected to read literature in each of the languages for the coming week. They spent one hour on literature and one hour on grammar. He had History three times a week and on the off days spent time on art lessons. He would have a short lunch break before studying Math and Science. When his tutoring was all finished, Kaoru rotated his exercise during the week through a cycle of yoga, body combat, and swimming. He showered before dinner and started his homework, then went to sleep and did the same thing over again.

He'd convinced himself that this new lifestyle was better for him (and really, it was, except that it wasn't) because it kept him busy and active (and distracted him from the pain) by reducing stress in his life (in theory, because it increased his anxiety) and keeping him healthy (in only the physical and intellectual dimensions of health). Friends and social time were distractions that he kept to a minimum. The only contact with other people he'd had were his tutors (who were all old and boring, except the cute one who was young and painfully straight) and his maids (who weren't worth the trouble at all). He recently had lost control of his emotions (so he stifled them completely, like he had for his entire life before meeting Tamaki and lied blankly to the faces of those who bothered to ask), and who was he trying to kid?

Kaoru was miserable. But he'd never admit that to the world.

He was finishing his pre-dinner workout, drinking from a water bottle when the doorbell rang. He looked around, but there was no one else to answer it but him.

"Hello?" Kaoru opened the front door and wasn't sure how to feel when he saw Tamaki standing there. He'd been wanting to see him for three weeks, but now that he was standing in front of him, finally...it was more nerve-racking than anything else. Tamaki also wasn't sure how to feel. Part of him was relieved at the sight of the boy in black gym shorts and a turquoise tank top, with his hair a little matted and a sheen to his skin, presumably from sweat. The other part was nervous.

"Kaoru...did I catch you exercising again?"

Kaoru smiled softly. "Exercise is good for the body."

Tamaki made a face. "I have this overwhelming feeling of deja vu."

Kaoru tilted his head and paused. "You should come in."

Tamaki nodded as he entered. "I thought it was time we talked."

Kaoru shut the door headed for the living room. "I'm really glad you came."

Tamaki shamelessly looked Kaoru over. He'd wondered what he would look like the entire way over. Would he be distraught and unkempt, skinny from not eating, chubby from eating too much? Tamaki had yo-yo'ed through all of those things for a time before getting himself under control. But to his surprise, Kaoru looked...good. Really good. He had a healthy glow. Lean muscle had been defined everywhere Tamaki could see. His hair was cut shorter. Tamaki had to admit, it was really sexy. But he also felt pain. It seemed like Kaoru was doing very well without him.

When Haruhi had said something was holding Kaoru back...was she referring to Tamaki? He felt guilty. If this is what was best for Kaoru, then...he couldn't be selfish.

"Tamaki?"

"Huh?"

"I was saying that you can sit down. I think I'll change really quickly."

"Okay."

Once Kaoru had retreated upstairs, one of his (creepy) twin maids appeared from nowhere, startling Tamaki.

"Sir, you have to help him."

"Uhh..."

"He hasn't seen any of his friends in weeks. All he does is study and exercise. He doesn't have any fun. Do you understand?"

"N-no, I don't," Tamaki replied warily, still feeling strange from her sudden appearance. "Kaoru looks really good, and happy."

"He's lying. He's not happy at all. He's drowning."

"What?" But the maid had disappeared at quickly as she'd showed up. _Devil people definitely live in this house,_ he thought uneasily.

Kaoru toweled off his sweat as best he could before putting on a black undershirt and white shorts with a blue zip-up hoodie on top. He combed his hair and smiled into the mirror, telling himself that this would all be okay before returning to Tamaki.

"Hey, there."

"Hey." Tamaki hadn't sat down.

"So..."

"Right." Tamaki cleared his throat. "How have you been? I...I heard that you stopped going to school."

"Well," Kaoru took a seat on the couch and Tamaki hesitantly joined him, "I'm still doing schoolwork. I have six tutors who come every day and I study for three hours a night, plus on the weekends. I don't want to lose my spot in Class A, after all."

"Do the classes work like that in Italy?"

Kaoru blushed. "Not where I'm going, no. But I still won't know if I've been accepted for another few months, so...in case I go back to a Japanese school, I want to be in the top class."

"Well, that's...that's good. But you don't think that's too much work?"

"Hn...not really. I mean, I have six to eight hours of tutoring per day, depending on what day of the week it is. Then three hours on homework is pretty normal, don't you think? It's the same amount of time I spent on work at Ouran. I'm just doing it from home, now. Right?"

"I guess...I just don't want you to work too hard."

Kaoru smiled and put his hand over Tamaki's. "It's fine. It keeps my mind busy."

Tamaki squeezed Kaoru's hand. "And what about when your mind is tired?"

"Exercise is a good stress reliever."

"There is a such thing as too much of a good thing."

"I hadn't noticed."

The conversation sort of hit a wall there, and they sat in silence holding hands for a few minutes.

"Did you just come to check up on me?" Kaoru asked finally.

"No," Tamaki admitted. "I...I miss you. And I want to be with you...if you'll take me."

Kaoru looked away, chuckling ironically. "I'm the one who should be begging for _you_ to take me back, not the other way around."

"I don't care, honestly. If we can just put that all behind us, I want to be with you."

Kaoru swallowed hard and looked Tamaki in the eye. "Yes. Fuck, yes."

They both let out sighs of relief and laughed a little. "Are you sure, Kaoru? Is this okay?" Tamaki scooted closer so that he could put and arm around the redhead's waist.

"Yeah, definitely." Kaoru smiled sweetly and put his hands on Tamaki's cheeks. "I told him...I finally told him that I wanted nothing to do with him. So, that's it. It's over."

Tamaki was so happy, he couldn't contain it. He pressed his lips to Kaoru's hungrily, letting go of all the tension and stress he'd been feeling. Kaoru finally said yes. He was finally all his. Kaoru wrapped his arms around Tamaki's neck, pulling him closer. Their tongues battled for dominance a little, although Kaoru didn't really want it. It was just fun that way. He was overwhelmed by Tamaki's scent and touch, not realizing exactly how much he'd missed it while they were separated.

A little bit of saliva still connected them when they parted. "Let's not ever split up again, okay? Because I think I might die if that happens," Tamaki breathed, resting his forehead against Kaoru's. He noticed that Kaoru had started to cry.

"Tamaki, this month has been such fucking hell."

"I know. I know."

They sat on the couch like that for a while.

* * *

Hikaru had taken Haruhi out after school, just so that they could spend time together. She was really starting to warm up to him again, and he was pleased. He was in a great mood, in fact. That is, until he came home to see his twin making out hardcore with that bastard on the couch.

"Tamaki," Kaoru whined, "don't do that. My parents will be home soon."

"It's fine. It's just a little." Hikaru didn't like the sounds they were making at all. Tamaki shouldn't be allowed to hear stuff like that from his little brother. It made his blood boil.

_Kaoru is mine,_ he thought, _and even if I can't have him, I sure as hell won't give him up to that guy._

**Something crazy is going to happen next chapter, by the way, guys.**

**I'm going to update again in October! So stay tuned. If you follow my other stories, Remember Me will also be in the next two weeks and The Hunters will be updated after that. I Don't Have a Name For it, Yet, is on a temporary hiatus until I can get more chapters of other stories out. **

**Reviews are love!**


	13. Revenge!

_Dear Diary,_

_Tamaki and I have been doing well together for the last two weeks. The thing is, we don't get to see each other very often, since we're both studying hard for exams, and when we actually do get to meet up, it's only for an hour or so. _

_It's pretty frustrating._

_We haven't even slept together yet. I guess that's fine with me, since my entire relationship with Hikaru was based on sex, but I know that Tamaki is impatient about it, and I feel bad. I guess...I just want to make sure that Tamaki really loves me before I go down that road with him. I like to go on dates with the person I am dating, you know?_

_Anyway, I have to do schoolwork._

_Kaoru._

* * *

Kaoru was with his English tutor, the cute one, when his phone went off.

"Hitachiin-kun, please don't use your phone during the lesson," the tutor said. His face looked annoyed, but his voice sounded amused.

"Sorry, Sensei, but it's my boyfriend." Kaoru couldn't keep the idiotic grin off of his face.

**Meet me on Saturday in the music room. Got a special surprise for you!**

Kaoru immediately replied, **Can't wait!**

He imagined what it could be. Maybe Tamaki would play the piano for him. He _really_ loved watching Tamaki play the piano.

"Hitachiin-kun, please pay attention."

"Yes, Sensei."

* * *

Hikaru slipped Tamaki's phone back into his bag. He'd sent messages to Kaoru and Kyouya, so the only thing left was to get Tamaki to go to the music room and wait for Saturday.

Tamaki gave Hikaru a dirty look as he sat down with his lunch, moving his backpack out of the way. "What do you want?"

Hikaru shrugged innocently. "Kyouya wanted me to tell you to meet up with him on Saturday in the music room. Something about Host Club business? I guess he wants to talk about what to do with my and Kaoru's act, now that he's gone. But, I'm not sure."

Tamaki eyes him warily.

Hikaru scoffed. "Look, I lost, all right? I'm over it. It's better for everyone now that Kao-chan and I aren't together, anyway. So just relax."

"We're never going to be friends again, Hikaru."

The redhead rolled his eyes and folded his arms across his chest. "You're the only one who hasn't forgiven me, so just give it a rest already, okay? I'm not asking to be friends, but we could at least be civil, for everyone else's sake."

"...Fine."

"Great. See ya, _Tono._"

* * *

It was Saturday, and Kyouya was still on the fence about meeting Tamaki. Receiving such an invitation out of the blue was surprising, but...maybe not inappropriate.

After all, he knew that Tamaki was gay. That made it more difficult to find a partner, especially at a place like Ouran, where everyone had to be perfect models of their families for the benefit of society (and being homosexual didn't really fit that mold). In addition, Kyouya was not under the impression that Tamaki had found anyone, and he himself was also single. So, why not?

It wasn't that Kyouya _didn't _like men, but that he _did_ like women. Actively. But as long as he saw the benefit toward himself, Kyouya would never turn down helping out a friend.

So, yes. He would go.

* * *

"Hey, mon ami!" Tamaki joked as he strode into the room.

Kyouya merely nodded in response. "Did you want to skip the pleasantries and just get to it? Or were you thinking of easing into it?"

Tamaki shrugged, a little confused. He plopped onto a couch. "I'm in no rush. It's really up to you."

Kyouya smiled, and it was always a little frightening, even when he didn't mean it to be. "I didn't know you were ever interested in being so casual."

Tamaki furrowed his brow. "We're friends. Casual is okay, right?"

Kyouya took off his glasses. "I'm glad you feel that way. I feared that maybe you secretly wanted to assign more meaning to this than it deserved."

"Okay..." What exactly was Kyouya planning on doing to the twins' act? Was it going to be something that would upset him?

Kyouya sat next to the blond and pushed him down, straddling his hips. "You know that I prefer playing the man, but if it's you...I suppose I could play the woman."

Tamaki's eyes widened. Was this a prank? Had Hikaru lied about the reason of the meeting? Or was there some secret message he was supposed to understand?

Kyouya started to unbutton his shirt. "We could trade positions. It doesn't have to be set in stone."

Tamaki tried to wriggle out from underneath the brunette. "Listen, I think that there's been some mistake."

Kyouya dropped his shirt on the floor and reached for Tamaki's belt buckle. "Don't get nervous You don't have to decide now. We can just do what feels natural when we get there." He'd started to pull Tamaki's pants down, but the blond stopped him.

"No, Kyouya, what I mean is that I don't..."

At that moment, the door opened.

* * *

It was Saturday, and the time to meet with Tamaki couldn't come fast enough. Kaoru picked out his outfit carefully and took the world's longest shower. He wanted to be perfect. He didn't want to lose an opportunity to have sex with Tamaki just because he felt a little gross or insecure.

Finally, he arrived at Music Room Three, and Kaoru was surprised to hear voices from inside. Had he arrived too early? Was Tamaki still setting something up? But Kaoru had been too excited for too long, and decided just to go for it.

He opened the door.

"...want to have sex with you."

Kaoru froze. This room must have been cursed or something. Why else would Tamaki be in a compromising position with Kyouya? Was Kaoru doomed to find every boyfriend he'd ever have cheating on him in this room?

He had half a mind to run out, but his body refused to move.

"Kaoru," Tamaki started, his heart pounding. Kyouya moved to let Tamaki stand, watching the situation with curiosity.

"Tamaki...? Could you please explain what's going on?" Kaoru's voice broke. Wetness blurred his vision.

"I don't exactly know," Tamaki stammered as he redid his pants and belt. "I though I was meeting Kyouya to talk about the Host Club."

"But, Tamaki," Kaoru trembled as he pulled out his phone, "didn't you ask me to meet you here? You said you had a surprise for me."

Tamaki looked at the message. "Well, sure, that's my number. But I never sent that."

"I also received a message from your phone, Tamaki," Kyouya said, his shirt and glasses back on his body.

"I didn't..." Tamaki started to realize what had happened. "I didn't send those. But I think I know who did."

"Who?" Kaoru and Kyouya asked at the same time.

"Hikaru. He was standing by my backpack at the lunch table. He could have taken the phone from my bag, used it, and put it back before I returned. And he was also the one to tell me to come here this afternoon.

Kaoru looked pale. "This isn't a very funny joke. I was really ready to die when I saw you two like that."

Tamaki embraced Kaoru. "I would never do that to you, Kaoru."

"I'm guessing that you two would like to be alone," Kyouya said quietly, heading for the door. "I'm sorry about all of this."

The door clicked shut behind him, and all Tamaki could do was kiss his redhead.

* * *

They sat at the piano. Kaoru's head rested on Tamaki's shoulder, and although the song had ended minutes ago, he kept replaying it in his head, seeing Tamaki's fingers flying over the keys and hearing the emotion he poured out through the music. Tamaki put his arm around Kaoru.

"I'm sorry about what happened earlier."

Kaoru looked up. "I understand. But I do have one question."

"Anything."

"Have...have you and Kyouya...before?"

Tamaki blushed. "That was...a long time ago. And it didn't mean anything. It was just like, well, practive. We were best friends, and comfortable with each other. We didn't want our first times to be awkward with the people we loved. We figured that if we got that first time out of the way with someone who didn't really matter, then, when the time came that it _did_ mean something, then it would be better."

Kaoru still felt uneasy. "Okay..."

"I...I've never felt anything more than friendship for him. I was already thinking I was gay at that time. I found guys attractive, but I'd never tried it. Doing that with Kyouya...it just reaffirmed that I liked men and he didn't. And it didn't mean anything, really. It only happened the one night."

After a pause, Kaoru kissed Tamaki's cheek. "Okay. Thank you."

"I should get home," Kaoru said quietly between breaths. "I don't want to leave, but..."

"I don't want you to get in trouble," Tamaki panted, standing up. "It's fine." He smoothed out his clothing, looked at Kaoru, and laughed. "Poor thing; you're a mess."

Kaoru blushed, standing up and adjusting his shirt. "It's your fault. You were getting really handsy." He felt a little warm and flustered from their make-out session.

Tamaki combed Kaoru's hair back into something acceptable with his fingers. "I can't get enough of you."

"I know," Kaoru grinned, pulling Tamaki close for another kiss.

* * *

"Hikaru." That wasn't the voice of a heartbroken boy, longing for comfort. It sounded more like someone who was royally ticked. Hikaru turned in his chair, trying to look as innocent as possible.

Apparently, Plan A didn't work out.

"Yes, Kao-chan?"

Kaoru pouted, cocked his hip to the side, and put a hand on it. It was too cute when he was pissed off. "Don't you '_Kao-chan_' me. I know what you did. And it wasn't a funny prank, either. That was malicious."

Hikaru stood with his arms held out and smiled, stepping closer. "Kaoru, come here. It was just a joke. I'm happy for you. I'd never really want you to break up; I was just giving my blessing in the form of a prank."

Kaoru stepped back. "You're not fixing this, not with a fucking hug. Look, if you really want me to believe that you're not just trying to break us up, then you're going to have to try much harder to convince me."

Hikaru dropped his arms along with his act. "I don't know what you see in him," he spat. "_I'm_ the only one who loves you."

Kaoru scoffed. "I'm never going to fall for you again. Aren't you already back with Haruhi, anyway? You don't need me."

Hikaru grabbed Kaoru's arm. "You're wrong," he ground out through his teeth. "I _do_ need you." He threw his twin on the bed roughly. "I see you every time I run my fingers through her hair. I feel you every time I kiss her. I hear you moans every time I'm inside her. Kaoru, I can't stop thinking about you."

Kaoru pushed his brother away, hard, but Hikaru wouldn't budge.

"Hikaru, you're losing your mind." His voice trembled in fear. "You have a beautiful girlfriend named Haruhi. Remember her? You love her. You don't need me." Hikaru started to pull at Kaoru's clothes.

"Kaoru, Kaoru, Kaoru. Kaoru. I _do_ need you. Want you so bad. Your touch, your lips, your everything. Please, take me back. _Please_."

Kaoru fought back hard, but he hadn't been doing strength training, he'd been doing toning and endurance. He could outrun his brother, but Hikaru had always been the stronger fighter. Kaoru was pinned under his twin, stripped to only his underwear.

"Hikaru, I don't love you." Kaoru hope to shock some sense into the other boy. "I have a boyfriend. Tamaki is the one I love, so please—"

"No!" Kaoru's words only made Hikaru more frantic. "You can't! You can't," he sobbed, "we belong together!" He pulled Kaoru's underwear down and forced a finger inside.

Tears sprang to Kaoru's eyes. "Stop! Hikaru, stop! Don't do this! Please, stop!" He wriggled to get away.

"Why won't you love me?"

The door flew open. "What the hell is going on here?" Mr. and Mrs. Hitachiin stood in the doorway, attracted by the screaming and yelling. Their father looked livid; their mother, horrified (as any parents encountering their twin sons in a sexual situation).

"Hikaru, get off of him!" Their father pulled the elder twin off, shouting. Their mother sat Kaoru up and wrapped a blanket aaround him, blubbering hysterically. "Did he hurt you? Are you okay? Kaoru, please say something. What happened? What did he do to you?"

Kaoru couldn't form words. All he could do was cry. Hikaru might have really raped him if they hadn't walked in. And Hikaru...

...he looked sick. Frozen in disbelief while his father shook him roughly.

"Hikaru! What were you thinking? What is going on? Answer me! Hikaru!"

Hikaru couldn't believe what he'd almost done to the person he loved the most.

* * *

_Dear Diary,_

_I think that maybe the worst thing in the world has just happened._

_Everything...everything has been torn apart._

_It's definitely the worst thing._

* * *

The twins sat on the couch in the living room, as far from each other as possible. Their parents paced before them, demanding answers.

"Will one of you fucking explain?" Kaoru had never heard his father swear before.

"I-I will," Hikaru sighed finally, staring at the floor. Kaoru felt for his brother, whose guilt was surely eating away at him. "I'll explain. You see..." Hikaru trailed off, as it was too difficult to continue.

"Hikaru," Kaoru said in the most comforting voice he could manage, "you'll feel better once it's all out in the open."

Hikaru nodded. "Mom, Dad...I'm very sorry. I know it was wrong, but I love Kaoru very much. I just want to make him happy the way that no one else can." It sounded truly heartfelt, and tugged at Kaoru. "That's why...that's why I gave in when he seduced me."

_What?_

"H-Hikaru!" Kaoru exclaimed, appalled.

"It's okay, baby brother. Because I love you so much. See, Mom and Dad, I have a girlfriend, and Kaoru was jealous of her. He was lonely without me. He admitted his feelings and I tried to make him happy."

That was only half-true, and also was not the correct sequence of events. What the hell was Hikaru doing?

"But, things got worse and worse," Hikaru continued, feeding emotion into his voice. "He kept wanting more, and more. He even...he even asked me to have sex with him." The last part came out like a whisper, like it was too much for Hikaru to bear to say such a vulgar thing.

"Hikaru, what are you doing?" Kaoru hissed angrily.

"I'm sorry, Kaoru. I know I promised not to tell, but it will feel better once it's all out there." Kaoru could hear the sarcastic smile behind those words, and couldn't believe his ears.

"Kaoru, is this true?" their father demanded.

"W-well, it didn't happen exactly like that! I...it's true that I was jealous when Hikaru started dating Haruhi, but we were already fucking before that!"

"K-Kaoru!" his mother exclaimed.

"Kaoru, how dare you?" his father shouted.

Well, shit. This wasn't working.

"He's trying to justify himself to you! He's an insatiable slut," Hikaru interjected, panicking. Those words made Kaoru's throat dry and eyes wet. "I've seen him messing around with other boys at school! He probably does all sorts of disgusting things! Who knows how many boys he's been with? And the blond one who comes here all the time—they're probably having kinky, unprotected sex we're all home, behind our backs!"

Kaoru started to cry. He couldn't breathe, his chest hurt—why, why? Kaoru just wanted to be with the one he loved. "Why are you doing this?" he shrieked. "Why are you lying? Why can't you just let it go?"

"Kaoru, explain yourself." Kaoru looked at his father.

"It's not true, Dad. I'm not messing around with tons of people." It was hard to speak through the tears. "Hikaru took my virginity—and he's the only person I've ever slept with. And now I have someone that I love—someone that I want to devote myself to, and he won't accept it."

"Who is this person?"

"I-It's Tamaki."

Their mother went pale. "That nice blond boy who comes boy all the time? It's really him? Hikaru wasn't making that up!"

"Yes, yes!" Finally, they were seeing the truth! "Tamaki is my boyfriend, and I love him! But, but we haven't slept together or anything, I swear!"

"I can't believe this," their father grumbled. "My own son is a fag."

"W-what?" This couldn't be happening. "Dad, what're you—"

"We don't need to hear anything more from you," their mother spat. Her eyes, which only moments ago held compassion and sympathy now gazed at him with only disgust and disdain. "It's settled."

"Mom, you too? But, you have gay models!"

She scoffed. "What those heathens do off of my runway is none of my business. But in my own family? It's a disgrace, Kaoru! You're shaming our name—you're bringing dishonor upon our family!"

"Are you kidding? This isn't imperial Japan! These are modern times!" Kaoru looked to Hikaru for something, anything—but the damage was done. Hikaru turned away.

"This came for you today." Their father threw a large white envelope at Kaoru, not attempting to avoid hitting him with it. "It looks like you were accepted to that silly art school after all. I should have known. Only a fag would be interested in that sort of thing."

"Good thing too," his mother added. "Because you'll be on the next flight to Italy tomorrow. Maybe you'll fit in with all the fucking queers there. Go get it out of your system, and when you come back to Japan for university, you'd better be normal again—you need to study something real, and get a wife. Art won't support my grandchildren."

Kaoru clutched the white envelope in his hands, watching tears fall on the paper. It would have been great news, if it wasn't so fucking terrible.

_It's definitely the worst._


	14. Chapter 14

**Just in case you wanted some creepy stalker information about me, I really fucking love Elvis. It's not relevant. I'm just listening to him right now.**

**I don't own Ouran!**

**I Never Knew**

**Chapter 14**

_Dear Diary,_

_It's been a busy whirlwind since I left Japan._

_Italy is everything I wanted it to be and more. Except for one little thing. _

_Tamaki. _

_Here's what you missed:_

_I moved to Italy. I have a roommate. Nakahara Haruki. It's easier to assimilate to a new country when you've got a little bit of home still with you, and he's much better at Italian than I am._

_The first thing I did was call Tamaki and tell him what happened (while convincing him that murdering my brother would change nothing), then make a battle plan. It was only another two weeks until summer break, so he could come spend all six weeks of break with me._

_Well, that didn't work out._

_My parents called Tamaki's grandmother to tell her all about his evil, homosexual ways. So, nothing really worked out._

_I haven't seen him in five months. _

_And it's really, really difficult. But we're making it work, because we love each other._

_Christmas is coming. Maybe Santa can grant wishes._

_Kaoru_

* * *

"Hitachiin-kun, we're going to be late," Haruki called, pulling on his boots. "If you miss this test, you're done for!"

"I'm all done, wait up!" Kaoru shut his diary and stood, running over to the door. "I won't forgive you if you leave without me."

Haruki laughed. "I know. Put your coat on; it's snowing."

"It's only three streets away! This coat isn't my style at all."

"If you get a cold, I won't forgive you."

Kaoru grimaced, pulling the puffy coat on. "We'll see who gets who sick first, okay?"

* * *

"Aaah! That was a tough one, huh?" Haruki stretched as they exited the building. They'd just completed their Art History final.

"Huh? But, Nakahara-san, didn't we study together? Did you forget everything already?"

"Well, that's because I wasn't thinking about studying. I was thinking about spending the holiday with Marco."

"Oh," Kaoru laughed. Haruki and Marco were second year students, and had been dating for a few months already when Kaoru arrived. Although July fell in the middle of the Japanese school year, he'd fortunately arrived in time for the start of the new school's year in August. The school had matched Haruki and Kaoru up because they were both from Japan, although from different areas. Marco was a nice boy who lived in the same town as the school, so he didn't live on campus.

The campus wasn't very big. In the middle there was the student union and recreational center. The dorms, which were all apartment style, were scattered amongst academic buildings. On the hill were the administrative buildings. It was in the countryside, where everything was simple and beautiful, and where all the people knew everyone else and the community was tightly knit. It was a nice change of pace for Kaoru.

"What about you, Hitachiin? What are your plans?"

Kaoru sighed. "I don't know." Because so many students came from abroad, the school didn't close during breaks. There were study sessions and make-up classes held to keep the students who didn't leave busy, and there were always things going on in the village or the town nearby.

"I can talk to Marco. We can go do some stuff together."

Kaoru shook his head. "I don't want to ruin your romantic trip. Maybe I'll just fly somewhere and relax." If only he could. Aside from paying for his schooling, his parents had basically cut him off financially. There was no way he could just do what he wanted.

Haruki laughed. "Well, as long as you're staying here, I'll be around with Marco."

"Thanks, Nakahara-san."

* * *

"Hello?"

"Kaoru! I didn't call too late, did I?"

Kaoru smiled. "Tamaki, hi. No, I'm just getting ready for bed now. How are you?"

"I miss you to bits and pieces. How was your exam?"

"I think it went well." He sat on his bed, pressing the phone to his ear with his shoulder so that he could open the package of candy with both hands.

"Good! Does that mean you're finished with your exams, then?"

"Yes. All done. What about you?"

"Well, there's still today and tomorrow, but...it shouldn't be too bad."

"Yeah. Study hard!" Kaoru bit his lip nervously before sliding a candy into his mouth. "You know, I don't really want to keep you if you're getting ready for school."

"I know, I know. But I have a surprise for you."

"For me? What is it?"

"Well, I know that we've been wanting to plan a visit, and it was a real mess this summer..." Kaoru felt guilty. It was his mother's fault, after all. "But, I worked out something with my dad. Well, I lied about where I was going and what I was doing. I think he knows that, but he hasn't said anything to my grandmother, so hopefully nothing bad happens."

"I don't understand."

"Kaoru, I'm coming to Italy to visit you, okay? So don't be sad. Clean your apartment so that I can sleep there, all right?"

Kaoru couldn't find words, and when he finally did, he sounded like a crazy idiot. "Y-Yes! Yes! It will be really clean! Very clean!"

Tamaki laughed. "Okay. I have to go now. I'll call you later. I love you."

Kaoru grinned. "Love you more." He hung up the phone and called out to the bathroom. "Nakahara?"

"What is it?" Haruki turned with a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth, getting ready for bed.

"Is it okay if I have someone stay with us during the break?"

Haruki shrugged. "As long as he isn't messy. Who is it?"

"My boyfriend." Kaoru couldn't stop smiling.

"Oh, really? I can't wait to meet the one who stole Hitachiin's heart," he laughed. He rinsed his mouth and the sink before turning the light off and coming over to the bunk beds. "Hey, you shouldn't have so much candy. You'll get fat."

Kaoru shrugged. "Tamaki will still love me."

Haruki laughed as he climbed into the top bed. "Yeah, whatever. Don't stay up too late."

"I won't."

* * *

"Tamaki!" Kaoru called out to the blond, "Over here!"

Tamaki turned to see Kaoru standing with two dark haired people and smiled, walking over to greet them.

"Kaoru, it's so good to see you," he said, setting his suitcase down to embrace the redhead.

"You too. Your hair is getting long." Kaoru carded through the long, silky strands with his fingers. "It suits you."

"I'm glad you like it." He held Kaoru's hand in his own, then turned his attention to the other two, bowing slightly. "Please excuse us. I'm Suoh Tamaki. It's nice to meet you."

The shorter one with black hair bowed back. "Nakahara Haruki, and this is Marco." He gestured to the taller brunette, who smiled and waved. "He only knows a few words in Japanese. I don't suppose you know any Italian?"

Tamaki shook his head. "I'm afraid not."

"That's fine. I can translate." He turned and started to talk to Marco in Italian.

"Have you got everything, Boss?" Kaoru asked. "Need me to carry something?"

Tamaki laughed at being called 'Boss.' "I've got it, but thanks."

"Great." Kaoru didn't know how to express in words his happiness, so he settled for smiling and holding Tamaki's hand.

* * *

Haruki and Tamaki made conversation in the living room while Kaoru prepared snacks in the kitchen.

"Kaoru," Marco said, smiling, "should I bring Haruki to my house tonight?"

Kaoru blushed. "What are you saying?"

"I'm asking if you'd like to be alone tonight with him. He's your boyfriend, right?"

"Uh," Kaoru coughed nervously, "that's okay. He's probably tired, so you don't need to do all of that."

Kaoru didn't want to admit that he was nervous. His relationship with Tamaki hadn't reached that point yet, and it wasn't something they'd discussed more than 'I want to' and 'the timing is bad.' He had no idea how experienced Tamaki was, and was afraid of not being good enough. The easy part of sleeping with Hikaru was that he never really needed to do anything (because Hikaru got off on just about everything).

"Well, let me know if you change your mind," Marco winked, and Kaoru nodded.

Meanwhile, Haruki was having the same conversation with Tamaki:

"Tamaki-san," Haruki said lowly with a grin, "should I make myself scarce tonight?"

Tamaki chuckled, "I wasn't going to ask, but I'll say yes as long as you're offering."

"It's fine, since I understand. When I go back to Japan without Marco, I get lonely. I can't imagine five months without him, you know?"

Tamaki nodded. "I'll admit that it's frustrating. But if it's Kaoru, then I don't mind waiting."

* * *

Tamaki yawned, "I'm so tired. What time is it?"

"It's about time for dinner, I think," Haruki said. "Marco, dinner?" Marco nodded. "Should we go out somewhere?"

"I think we should stay here, since Tamaki is tired."

"Oh? Then Marco and I can go out." He turned to Marco and winked so that no one else could see it.

Marco raised an eyebrow. "Should we bring something back?"

"No, Marco. If they're tired, then let them _rest_." He stood up and turned back to Tamaki. "There's food here if you want to cook, or some microwave meals if you're feeling lazy, so help yourself to whatever you need."

"Thank you, Nakahara-san. Come on, Kaoru. Help me unpack a little."

Kaoru nodded, leading Tamaki over to the bedroom. "Did you even pack enough for all two weeks?" He joked, thinking of their Host Club excursions, "Your suitcase looked much smaller than the times we used to go on trips."

Tamaki closed the door behind them. "I was sort of hoping it would give me the excuse to not wear clothing very often," he said as seductively as he could. Apparently it was working, because Kaoru froze and got very red in the face. Tamaki rather enjoyed how the redhead could yo-yo between the shy, innocent boy he played in the Host Club and the mischievous, sultry devil he could really be.

"T-Tamaki," Kaoru stammered as Tamaki wrapped his arms around his waist. "We shouldn't. I mean, who knows when Nakahara will be back?"

"He won't be. I talked to him, and he's staying at Marco's, so don't worry." The blond started to kiss and nip at Kaoru's neck.

_So, Tamaki has been thinking about doing this kind of thing the entire time? _"You just got here," Kaoru laughed nervously. "Aren't you tired? Don't you want to rest?"

"I'm not too tired for you," Tamaki replied, smiling, but the smile faded when he saw the look on Kaoru's face. "Kaoru? You're really not interested right now, are you?"

"No, no, I am!" Kaoru sat down on his bed. "So, if you want to..."

Tamaki sighed, sitting next to him. "I'm not going to force you. If you want to wait, then just say so. I just figured...we've had enough of waiting, right?"

"There have been some things on my mind. I won't lie to you. I'm worried."

Tamaki grimaced. "I don't want to go through this again. I want to just be happy."

"I do too."

* * *

"Haruki, is it okay to leave them there alone?" Marco asked after walking for a couple minutes.

"Huh? Of course it is. Or do you want to listen to them fucking?"

"Not at all. But it's just that I talked to Kaoru and he got all nervous and told me not to worry about it."

"Really? Tamaki-san was really happy that I offered to stay out tonight."

Marco shrugged. "I'm just saying, Kaoru didn't seem too keen on the idea."

Haruki stopped walking and cocked his head to the side. "You think we should go back? I don't Tamaki-san would do anything if Hitachiin said no, but now I feel sort of weird leaving him alone with someone I don't know. Someone with those intentions, boyfriend or not."

"Well, let's at least buy dinner and bring it back. We can make up a reason why we didn't eat out."

Haruki nodded. "I think that's a good idea."

* * *

"So, what is it? Don't you still like me? Is there someone else?"

"No! Tamaki, no. Do you think if I wanted to break up with you, I would have made you fly all the way to Italy to do it? There's definitely no one else."

"Then...I don't really understand. It's not like you're a virgin. Are you sick or something?"

Kaoru blushed. "No. Look, I'm just nervous."

"Nervous? About what? It's just me."

"Yeah, it's _you_. I actually care what you think. I want you to...I want you to _like _it."

"What?" Tamaki laughed incredulously. "Is that what this is all about? If it's you, of course I'm going to like it. I've used what you did to me in that tool shed as masturbation material for _months_, and it never gets old. Not the part where we got into a fight, but when you sucked my-"

"Yeah, yeah. I remember that," Kaoru blushed. "I just...keep getting the feeling that we'll do it and then you'll change your mind about me. Like, you thought you wanted me, but then you'll decided that I'm not what you thought you wanted, or that I'm not...worth it."

"Kaoru," Tamaki said softly, pulling him close, "I'm not going to do that to you. I'm not the same as Hikaru. Haven't I told you that I've wanted you since the moment I saw you? I've been dreaming of being together with you every moment since then."

"Is that supposed to make it better?" Kaoru averted his eyes. "Now I'm nervous that I won't live up to your fantasies."

Tamaki chuckled. "I'm nervous, too. After what Hikaru did to you, I want to make sure you feel comfortable with me. I want you to know how much I love you, and how much I need you, and that you can trust me, and I know it might be hard for you to do that, but I'll do whatever it takes. I don't want you to ever feel used again."

"You've never made me feel like that." Kaoru smiled sweetly. "You've always been there to comfort me. You're the only one...the only one who has ever given me _everything_ and you've never even asked for anything in return."

"I don't need anything, I just need you."

Kaoru hesitated, then lay back on the bed. "T-take me, then."

Tamaki moved over him. "Are you sure?"

Kaoru nodded. "Yeah."

**Aaaaand now you have to wait for the lemon. Muah-ha-ha-ha!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Sorry I'm late, but you know, I have three jobs and I go to school.**

**And I still find time for you guys. You should be grateful.**

**I make and sell Belzenef plushies! Message me if interested.**

**Lastly, I don't own Ouran! **

**I Never Knew **

**Chapter 15**

"Hitachiin," Haruki called out, opening the front door, "we're back!"

Kaoru groaned, lying on the bed. "Already? Are you kidding?"

Tamaki chuckled. "I guess that's the way it is." He sat up and searched for his shirt on the floor.

"I thought you said they were staying out," Kaoru grumbled, standing up to pull his pants back on.

"Maybe fate is telling us that taking it slow is best." Tamaki handed Kaoru's shirt to him after putting his own back on.

"Maybe fate can eat a dick." Kaoru put his shirt on and took long strides over to the door.

"Where are you going?"

"Bathroom," Kaoru muttered.

"We only played a little bit," Tamaki smiled. "Did you really get that hard?" He reached for Kaoru's crotch, but the redhead backed away, blushing.

"Unlike you, I have a roommate. I can't just jerk off all the time."

"All right, all right. Just stay in here and I'll cover for you, okay?" Kaoru nodded. Tamaki left the bedroom, smiling brightly. "Nakahara-san, welcome home. What did you get?"

"The best lasagna you'll ever eat," Haruki replied, handing the bag to Marco, who took it straight into the kitchen. "Where's Hitachiin? Is everything all right?"

"Yeah, he's in the room, finishing up some stuff. He'll be right out."

Haruki shrugged. "Okay. Wanna set the table with me?"

"Sure."

* * *

"Ready for dessert?" Haruki stood, picking up their dirty plates.

"Ugh, I don't think I could eat more if I tried," Kaoru whined, holding his stomach, "but I sure _want_ to."

Haruki laughed along with Tamaki. "I'm full, thanks," the blond chuckled.

"What about you, Marco? Dessert?"

"Not tonight," Marco smiled.

Haruki shrugged. "All right, we'll save it for tomorrow then. Hitachiin, why don't you two get to bed? Marco and I can clean up, and then I'll take him home."

Kaoru nodded. "Thanks. Let's go, Tamaki." The blond followed the younger boy into the bedroom again. "If we're quiet, we could..." Kaoru started to say once the door was closed.

"I think the moment has passed," Tamaki yawned. "I'm really sleepy now."

Kaoru pouted. "Okay. You're right." He started to go over to the dresser, but Tamaki stopped him, wrapping his arms around him.

"Hey. Don't be too upset. We'll wait until it's special, right?"

Kaoru smiled softly. "Yeah, you're right." He kissed Tamaki's cheek. "As usual."

Tamaki stroked Kaoru's cheek. "You don't know how much I've missed you."

"Oh, don't worry. I know. I really, really know."

They embraced for a while, enjoying the simple, comfortable heat of each other's bodies. Kaoru helped Tamaki unpack and they changed into their pajamas: Tamaki wore soft, grey pants and no shirt. Kaoru wore a big blue t-shirt and just his boxers. They climbed into Kaoru's bed, under the thick, warm blanket. Kaoru lay his head against Tamaki's chest, listening to his heart beat, and Tamaki put his arms around the redhead, holding him close.

"I'm really glad you're here," Kaoru whispered, drawing shapes on Tamaki's chest.

Tamaki ran his fingers through Kaoru's hair. "I don't care what kind of trouble I get into when I get back. If it's you, it's completely worth it."

* * *

The next few days passed similarly: Marco came over, or they went to his house. They hung out all day, and Tamaki slowly started to pick up Italian. They had dinner, then parted ways. It was fun and relaxing and easy, like the good old days of being in the Host Club, before everything with Hikaru went sour.

That being said, Kaoru was definitely ready for some alone time with Tamaki.

"Nakahara, can I talk to you for a second?" Marco and Tamaki were awkwardly trying to teach the other his own language in the living room while Kaoru and Haruki did the dishes. The next day was Christmas Eve, and Kaoru thought that maybe it was time to solidify their plans.

"Of course. Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong—I just wanted to ask you what you were doing tomorrow."

Haruki smiled. "Oh, Kaoru—you're too cute. Listen, let's all go over to Marco's tomorrow. His mom is having a little party in the afternoon. Stay for lunch, have some fun. Then you and Tamaki-san can come home. I'll stay with Marco, so you can have the night and Christmas morning all to yourselves. We can meet up for a later lunch or an earlier dinner then on Christmas, or whatever you want. It's really up to you."

Kaoru laughed. "That sounds really perfect. Thank you."

Haruki also laughed. "Well, you know—I'd like to be alone with Marco too, especially since his parents are going out tomorrow night, and we'll have the place to ourselves."

"It's a deal, then," Kaoru smiled. "Christmas Eve will be for love."

The next morning, Haruki, Kaoru, and Tamaki headed over to Marco's house, where they were greeted warmly (as usual) by his mother and two sisters. They listened to music and played games and ate—and in Marco's house, you ate until you couldn't anymore (and sometimes, you ate even more). It was almost five o'clock, and the snow started to pick up outside, so Kaoru and Tamaki took that as their cue to leave. They were offered a ride home, but they both agreed on walking. There was something awfully appealing about holding hands in the cold, and it wasn't a far walk.

"Call me tomorrow, Nakahara," Kaoru said. "But don't call too early," he joked.

"Don't worry, I'll definitely be sleeping in myself!"

"They're really nice people," Tamaki said, stepping out into the snow.

"Yeah. They're very into hospitality here—it's a lot different than Japan, I think." Kaoru reached for Tamaki's hand, and they started down the sidewalk. "Sometimes, I miss home. But, in all honesty, as long as you're with me...any place is fine."

Tamaki blushed and squeezed Kaoru's hand. "Kaoru, I—I've decided. Wherever you are, I want to be."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I can't stand being without you anymore. So—so, I'm going to go to a university here, in Europe. Somewhere that we're not more than a short ride away."

"I can't—I can't ask you to do that for me. You need to do what's right for _you._"

"Kaoru, that's what I want. I don't really have a preference where I go to school. And the only thing that's right for me—the only thing that's clear, the only thing that makes sense—all I want is to be with you."

Kaoru stopped walking. He was so happy he could almost cry. "Tamaki, I—I love you. I _love _you. I really, honestly do."

Tamaki took Kaoru's face in his hands. "Good. Because I love you too."

They shared warm kisses in the snow.

* * *

Kaoru didn't even bother hanging up his coat when they got back to the apartment. He kicked off his snow-covered boots by the door and threw his coat somewhere before heading straight for his room.

"K-Kaoru," Tamaki laughed, untying his boots, "wait up for a second."

Kaoru stood in the doorway of his bedroom. "Don't you think we've waited long enough?" He pulled his shirt off. "I think you're taking too long. Hurry up and come here, already." He started taking off his pants.

Tamaki blushed. There it was again, that side of Kaoru that was completely unashamed. The part of Kaoru that got nude with the door open and sat expectantly on the bed.

"All right, I get it." Tamaki walked over to his lover, pulling off his shirt. "You're right. I don't want to wait either."

"I know." Kaoru lay back on the bed with Tamaki standing in front of him, fumbling with the button on his pants. Kaoru growled impatiently, tugging on Tamaki's jeans. "Just take them off." He pulled hard so that they'd slide down, and Tamaki blushed again, stepping out of his pants and underwear.

Kaoru pulled the elder down, wrapping his arms around his neck, kissing him feverishly. Tamaki's eyes widened in surprise, then closed as he relaxed, pressing his body flush against Kaoru's. He slid his tongue into Kaoru's mouth, battling playfully for dominance, and took hold of both their members, stroking them together. Kaoru moaned into the kiss and arched his back in pleasure.

"T-Tamaki..."

"Hm?" Tamaki sucked on Kaoru's collarbone.

Kaoru suddenly flipped Tamaki over, so that he was on top, straddling Tamaki's hips. A wide grin spread across his face. "You're going too slow."

Tamaki smiled, running a hand up Kaoru's chest. "Why don't you show me how it's done?"

"I can do that." The redhead brought Tamaki's hand to his lips and started to suck on his fingers. With his other hand he wrapped his fingers firmly, but gently, around Tamaki's penis and pumped slowly, teasingly, relishing every wanton moan and mewl. When he felt ready, Kaoru brought Tamaki's hand to his backside, pressing his fingertips to his rim. "Do you want to take over?"

Tamaki nodded, pressing one finger inside, slipping it in and out. Kaoru made a small, funny noise, and pressed their bodies together again. _Great, _Tamaki thought, _I have to get it to fit in _there?_ It's definitely way too tight. _Kaoru nuzzled Tamaki's neck, kissing and nipping at his collarbone. "It's okay, Tamaki. I can take it." He rubbed his thumb over one of the blond's nipples and smiled. "I promise."

"O-okay." It was hard to concentrate on touching Kaoru when said boy was fondling him shamelessly, touching him all over, but Tamaki managed. He pushed a second finger past the tight ring of muscle and the sound that spilled from Kaoru's lips made his breath hitch. "Kaoru, I _need_ to be inside of you."

"Then hurry up." Kaoru's voice was strained. "I can't take it anymore—if you make me wait any longer, I'm just going to touch myself without you."

Tamaki chuckled. "Fine—let me do it. But let me be on top."

"Okay," Kaoru agreed, lying back on the bed again with his legs spread wide. Tamaki could see _everything_, and it was damn sexy. Kaoru's face was flushed prettily. "Don't just stare. Creep."

"Sorry," Tamaki muttered. "I was just thinking how much I'd like to put my face there."

"Later. Right now I want your dick there." Kaoru slid his own two fingers inside of himself. "You're taking too long; I told you."

Tamaki smiled. "As much as I'd like to watch you touch yourself, I've been waiting a long time to do that to you." He leaned over the redhead and grabbed his legs, pulling their hips closer together.

Kaoru nodded. "Okay." He pulled his fingers back out and grabbed Tamaki's shoulders. "I'm ready."

"Okay." Tamaki entered Kaoru slowly, trying not the hurt the younger boy. _Way too tight,_ he thought, but it was the best thing he'd ever felt. Kaoru moaned loudly, his eyes watering. Maybe he wasn't exactly ready—but it was too late for that, and he'd been begging for it, after all. Tamaki kissed his collarbone as he sheathed himself fully. "Does it hurt too much?"

"Not too much—but don't ever let me talk you into rushing again," Kaoru smiled weakly.

"Sorry." Tamaki pulled out slowly. "But I'm not sorry." He gripped Kaoru's hips firmly and thrust back in all the way, making Kaoru scream. It hurt—but it felt so good he couldn't breathe. And after another few thrusts, it didn't hurt at all. Kaoru grabbed the bedsheets and held on for dear life, hooking his legs on Tamaki's shoulders so that he could go even deeper.

It didn't take Tamaki long to find Kaoru's prostate, and he didn't hesitate to abuse it. Kaoru curled his toes and arched his back and clawed at Tamaki's arms and threw his head back—Tamaki made him crazy in the worst (the best) way. "Tamaki!" He moaned loudly, "Tamaki, I'm so close!"

"It's okay," Tamaki replied, kissing and sucking at Kaoru's neck. He took Kaoru's cock in his hand and started pumping it firmly. "Look at me."

Kaoru opened his eyes. "I love you," he panted, reaching his climax.

"Not as much as I love you," Tamaki sighed lovingly, finishing inside of Kaoru.

**That was all suck. Because I suck at lemons and stuff. Oh, well. Next chapter will be the last!**


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